A Sober Man's Thoughts....

Upon my weekly adventures of employment I found out some shocking truths about my co-workers. Truth: most of my co-workers love to drink. I learned this by observing their many before and afterwork rituals such as beers on the veranda, beers at the blues bar next door, and beers at the Irish Pub down the street from our plaza. Being the "goody two-shoes" that I am, I usually go home right after work with only my school work and a cold, empty bed to keep me warm. Last night, I decided to live on the edge: I went to the Irish Pub with my a few of my work chums. Truth: working in a restaurant atmosphere greatly promotes drinking, bad eating, and procrastination. While drinking my super sweet, 2000 California Riesling, I learned that two of my co-workers had multiple DUI's, one has a son he has not seen in 4 years, and another has a girlfriend he has broken up with 7 times. All of this information was dumped on me within 2 hours of "hanging." Working at a comedy club definitely brings all walks of life. Truth: many of my co-workers (including myself) are interested in the entertainment world. One co-worker is a writer of comic books and movies while the other writes music. Many are standup comics and most are in serious relationships of some sort....and then there is Marcin. Marcin is a tall, brawny, scruffy faced ginger born of Polish ancestry. He lived there for 15 years then moved to the US while still in high school. A wild child in his 20's, Marcin is in his "perfectly tamed" 30's now. I gathered all this information from weeks of stacking glasses and collecting menus by his drink well. Initially I was taken aback and damn near nervous by his presence. He speaks in a very official manner yet with a slight accent. He is very serious in nature or at least to the naked eye. Truth: most people who are "serious" are actually quite self-conscious, but upon further investigation are likable folks. Marcin is one of them. He was also one of the cohorts who went to the Irish Pub last night. As we were all drinking and hanging out, Marcin made a huge mistake; he allowed himself to become heavily intoxicated and told the truth! I had already been privy to Marcin's incessant and blatant flirting during work hours, but I had no idea just how serious it was. After 3 beers, 2 scotches, and1 and half cigarettes Marcin revealed that he is incredibly attracted to black women (see, most of my high school life with white men), he believes black women have the most beautiful, full lips, he is enamored by our "round and curvaceous shapes", he is a big "ass" man, and he finds me insanely attractive and sexy! All of this information was slowly poured on me within the 2 hours as well. As I sat there absorbing all that I was hearing I had a thought; do people really speak their truth when they are tipsy? My father always told me "a drunk man speaks a sober man's thoughts." I guess I will just have to find out on Thursday when I see Mr. Marcin again if he still feels the same way. Until then, he has left many thoughts lingering in my head: do I purposely try to be sexy, am I aware of just how sexy I am, and will I have a round two of drinking with the crew? To be continued....

How to Love Me

It wasn't until I hit my 20's that I realized that I did not know how to love me, therefore I did not know how to be loved. Every single relationship with all its drama and problems were simply life lessons and yet the lesson that should have been painfully clear was not. How does this work? How does a person ignore something as crucial as how to be loved? I am not sure, but I managed to do so. I managed to overlook all the classic signs of craziness in order to fall head over heels for yet another man who did not know how to love me. Then, it finally hit me, I did not know how to love myself. I was spending so much time dressing up the outside, I completely left out the inside. All the internal situations that never added up were completely obliterated. Now, I have no choice but to acknowledge these same issues I was running from. This realization was not an easy one.  I was watching Oprah's network OWN and I saw Iyanla Vanzant's show "Fix My Life." On her show, she interviewed the villainous Evelyn Lozada of "Basketball Wives." In this interview, post failed fictitious marriage to Chad Ochicinco, Iyanla told Evelyn, "In matters of love, you have to show someone how to love you. You cannot allow that person to love you the way they want to. You have to show them!" I could not figure out what she meant and then she elaborated. She told Evelyn, when a man cheats and you allow him, you are showing him how to love you. When a man is distant and disrespectful, you are unintentionally showing him how to love you. When a man is not there emotionally, spiritually, or physically YOU ARE SHOWING HIM HOW TO LOVE YOU! I, then had an incredible "aw ha" moment. I have been showing all my past boyfriends and beaus how to love me by being neglectful, rude, disrespectful, and overall terrible to me. I have allowed them to think that loving or even liking me in these ways were ok because I tolerated it. Well now, at nearly 26, I simply can no longer allow a man to love me anyway, but how I want to be loved. The moment I feel like things are not solid or peaceful for me, I must take a step back. Sometimes, that is what it takes for a person to be loved adequately and that is what I want. So, going forward, I must show a man how to love me correctly, so I don't end having "to fix my life" at 37 a la Ms. Lozada.