It wasn't until I hit my 20's that I realized that I did not know how to love me, therefore I did not know how to be loved. Every single relationship with all its drama and problems were simply life lessons and yet the lesson that should have been painfully clear was not. How does this work? How does a person ignore something as crucial as how to be loved? I am not sure, but I managed to do so. I managed to overlook all the classic signs of craziness in order to fall head over heels for yet another man who did not know how to love me. Then, it finally hit me, I did not know how to love myself. I was spending so much time dressing up the outside, I completely left out the inside. All the internal situations that never added up were completely obliterated. Now, I have no choice but to acknowledge these same issues I was running from. This realization was not an easy one. I was watching Oprah's network OWN and I saw Iyanla Vanzant's show "Fix My Life." On her show, she interviewed the villainous Evelyn Lozada of "Basketball Wives." In this interview, post failed fictitious marriage to Chad Ochicinco, Iyanla told Evelyn, "In matters of love, you have to show someone how to love you. You cannot allow that person to love you the way they want to. You have to show them!" I could not figure out what she meant and then she elaborated. She told Evelyn, when a man cheats and you allow him, you are showing him how to love you. When a man is distant and disrespectful, you are unintentionally showing him how to love you. When a man is not there emotionally, spiritually, or physically YOU ARE SHOWING HIM HOW TO LOVE YOU! I, then had an incredible "aw ha" moment. I have been showing all my past boyfriends and beaus how to love me by being neglectful, rude, disrespectful, and overall terrible to me. I have allowed them to think that loving or even liking me in these ways were ok because I tolerated it. Well now, at nearly 26, I simply can no longer allow a man to love me anyway, but how I want to be loved. The moment I feel like things are not solid or peaceful for me, I must take a step back. Sometimes, that is what it takes for a person to be loved adequately and that is what I want. So, going forward, I must show a man how to love me correctly, so I don't end having "to fix my life" at 37 a la Ms. Lozada.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
How to Love Me
It wasn't until I hit my 20's that I realized that I did not know how to love me, therefore I did not know how to be loved. Every single relationship with all its drama and problems were simply life lessons and yet the lesson that should have been painfully clear was not. How does this work? How does a person ignore something as crucial as how to be loved? I am not sure, but I managed to do so. I managed to overlook all the classic signs of craziness in order to fall head over heels for yet another man who did not know how to love me. Then, it finally hit me, I did not know how to love myself. I was spending so much time dressing up the outside, I completely left out the inside. All the internal situations that never added up were completely obliterated. Now, I have no choice but to acknowledge these same issues I was running from. This realization was not an easy one. I was watching Oprah's network OWN and I saw Iyanla Vanzant's show "Fix My Life." On her show, she interviewed the villainous Evelyn Lozada of "Basketball Wives." In this interview, post failed fictitious marriage to Chad Ochicinco, Iyanla told Evelyn, "In matters of love, you have to show someone how to love you. You cannot allow that person to love you the way they want to. You have to show them!" I could not figure out what she meant and then she elaborated. She told Evelyn, when a man cheats and you allow him, you are showing him how to love you. When a man is distant and disrespectful, you are unintentionally showing him how to love you. When a man is not there emotionally, spiritually, or physically YOU ARE SHOWING HIM HOW TO LOVE YOU! I, then had an incredible "aw ha" moment. I have been showing all my past boyfriends and beaus how to love me by being neglectful, rude, disrespectful, and overall terrible to me. I have allowed them to think that loving or even liking me in these ways were ok because I tolerated it. Well now, at nearly 26, I simply can no longer allow a man to love me anyway, but how I want to be loved. The moment I feel like things are not solid or peaceful for me, I must take a step back. Sometimes, that is what it takes for a person to be loved adequately and that is what I want. So, going forward, I must show a man how to love me correctly, so I don't end having "to fix my life" at 37 a la Ms. Lozada.
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