Saturday, January 31, 2015

A Humbling Precipice

Having just celebrated my one month anniversary in my new casita, I realized, I am old. I am old because living alone now is riddled with anxiety and stress. These feelings are completely different than when I lived in Los Angeles alone. When I was 22, I loved the edge. The precipice of safety was my best friend. Now, I hear a dog bark next door and I am up with a bat in my hand. It is hilarious to me and shocking at the same time! I think to myself, what changed? With age comes caution. Caution is the difference between living on the precipice and merely thinking about. I must admit, I am still slightly cautious, but
not nearly as much I thought I would be. I never thought I would come to this point in my life where noises, darkness, and new places make me apprehensive. Regardless of the new imposed stress my paranoia causes me, I am very grateful for this.

I no longer think solely about myself. I consider my family, friends, and the little people in my life so much more. This is truly a blessing to me because I have slowed down enough to see what matters in life. I consider my health, my future, and the people in it much more. I mapped a plan for the next year and a half. My plans for 30th are steep, but totally attainable. With business plans, advanced degrees, and many romantic advancements, there couldn't be a better time to humble my emotions and my mind. 

The Super Bowl is here along with the Phoenix Open and all I want to do is go to bed. I have no desire to cram into the crowded and dangerous clubs hoping to catch a glimpse of "celebrities" who could care less about my existence. At this point in my life, I am more excited about a glass of Sweet Lucy, French Jazz, and my Netflix account. I have always heard that aging changes you. With me being more aware, focused, and goal oriented, I welcome these changes. With that said, I'm off to dinner with an friend. That's just the way I role now.....and I don't mind.