They'll Never be Another

I have a pretty good memory, I believe I actually remember my own birth. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel it to be true. I am thankful for my superior memory because it allows to keep special moments close to my heart. One of the new memories added to my ever-growing memory bank is that of my great-grandmother Fannie Mae Taylor. She was born on December 23, 1907 in Louisiana. She was born to a large family. She went on to marry at the tender age of 16 and had 9 children naturally. She raised them in racist Louisiana ; amid segregation, poverty, and sexism she maintained her family. She held down a job, supported her family, and she was a faithful member of the Zion Springs Baptist church for over 45 years. Her death was a total surprise to us all. Her last few years were spent between hospices, hospitals, and family homes in Monroe, Louisiana. She was in pretty good health those last couple of years, especially for being over 100 years old. In the bible you are promised 75 years on this earth; Mama Fannie exceeded that by 27 years. THAT IS A BEYOND BLESSED WOMAN! And as much as I cried, I could only cry tears of joy. She lived such a full, rich, and diverse life and was so good to everyone she encountered. She helped my grandma with my mother when her mother passed, she remained married when so many others divorced or separated, and she never forgot God throughout it all. In fact I believe she kept God very close to her especially when she was enduring the Women's Rights Movement, The Great Depression, and The Civil Rights Movement. She even made it to see the first black president, Barack Obama. What an incredible life! Her life will forever be celebrated because what she endured as a black women living in the limited South is nothing short of remarkable. Mama Fannie just know you have left a permanent mark on our hearts, we will praise your name for many years come. We will also pray that we could even live a fraction of the life you have. Thank you God for blessing us with your one true angel on Earth. Sincerely, Oriel Martin

CHRISTmas

I have noticed that as you age, Christmas's sense of value differs greatly. You go from being in love with gifts, cookies, and trees to shopping for others, trying to score good deals, and planning on how fabulous your New Year's will be. Though the value of Christmas could never be equivalent to a gift, as a child that was all I cared about! Sure we went to church and visited with family, I can honestly say I never appreciated Christmas. It was all about candy canes, dolls, a wish list, good fattening food, and seeing my family. I guess as you get older, Christmas changes for the good. You buy the people you love one really nice gift, put up reasonable decorations, and cook a tasty meal to share with others. To overwhelm Christmas with gifts and other superfluous things truly devalues the meaning. Celebrating the pagan reality of Christ's alleged birth is what Christmas pertains to, not gifts. Gifts should be the last thing on everyone's mind. With that being said, everyone gets a nice, reasonable gift from me, I will be going to church to join in fellowship and celebration of our Christ Lord, and I will take a moment to reflect on how grateful I am for CHRISTmas. Because without CHRISTmas, there surely would be no me! Happy Holidays to all.

To me, you will always be my lil stinky face Pooties!

Seven years ago God blessed me with the most surprising, precious Christmas gift; a lil baby girl named Aaniyah! I will never forget the first day I met her. My mother had called me from upstairs, I was doing homework as I was a junior in high school. I reluctantly came downstairs and I was immediately surprised. My mother was holding this lil tiny baby in her arms. She was just laying there cooing. I took one look at her and I FELL HEAD OVER HEELS! She was beautiful. I asked if I could hold her and I didn't put her down until her mother came to pick her up. I felt this magnetic force pulling me toward her. Aaniyah's journey was not easy; she was almost 3 months premature and almost didn't survive. The almighty God we have saw her through her trials and now she has turned seven and hopefully will turn many more ages. I forged a close relationship with her mother, Ms. Devonee Peterson. We spent so much time hanging out. Every week we would watch our weekly lineup and favorite shows at the time; the first 48 hours & Chappelle show! There was never a dull moment! That was seven years ago, now I am 24 and Aaniyah is 7! I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW TIME FLIES! It honestly has been quite an adventure watching her grow into a little lady. She is so smart, intuitive, charming, and most of all, HILARIOUS! I have to credit her mother for such a great child. On her birthday we went to go see Tangled and had a pure blast. I pray we have many more birthdays where I can stand back and rest assure that my favorite little girl is growing into a lovely, talented, and even more beautiful young lady. Love you Pooties, forever and always! Love, Auntie O

Never Ever Again

As the year approaches an end, I reflect on what I accomplished. I managed to write pretty regularly on this blog, did pretty damn well in school (4.0 gpa), earned a little bit of money, bought some awesome gear, reunited with old friends, had a lovely family reunion, *MET MY GODSON, bonded with my brother, managed to readjust to living with family again, had a beautiful Thanksgiving with my great-aunts from Dallas, worked 3 jobs, *WORKED MY FIRST HAUNTED HOUSE, worked my first movie premiere, rode the bus alone, went to New York several times to see my love, hung out with great friends from college in New York, narrowed down my career path, and lastly, officially set up a five year plan and goal.

However, there were some bumps in the road too. I ended a few paralyzing/one sided relationships, officially removed my disastrous ex out of my life, *missed my car like crazy, *reminiscenced, missed, and regretted some things about my "L.A." life, found out some disturbing news about a friend, *had my precious foot stabbed by a sensor at popular clothing store Juicy Couture, didn't save much of anything, overspent, let silly things get me down, didn't invest my time in my career, *did not write as much as I could have, almost let the devil interrupt my relationship, judged my family way to harshly, ate my own words in a weird, but sobering way, *messed up an very important application, cried instead of becoming proactive about misfortune, and *lastly allowed the devil to get in the way of my family (blood is always thicker than a demon).

Overall, I rate 2010 with a 7. I am closer to true bliss, I met a man that I feel wants to take me there, and finally select a career that is fit for me. I will allow 2010 to be a careful set of reality based reminders, pointers, and suggestions for what to do & what not to do in 2011. Never make the same mistake twice.

The Conjure Pot

People have many stereotypical opinions about Scorpios; we're freaks, controlling, manipulative, and self-absorbed. I digress! I do not feel I am any of those things. I have the ability to be that way, but so does anyone else. Those traits do not stop at Scorpios! I just needed to clear that up for all the Scorpio haters. So, my birthday was bittersweet, I was injured at Juicy Couture, saw my friends, and actually had fun for the first time since I went to Miami in June. Thank you God, for allowing me to have a rich indulgence of fabulosity. I read a blog this week that sparked my interest, Are Black Girls too Loyal? In a word, YES! We have always been down for our men despite cruelty, been patriotic to a country that openly despises us, and work hard in spite of various forms of prejudice. In my humble opinion, women are more loyal on all levels. We typically see the glass as half-full, we fight vigorously even with the odds stacked against us, and we love hard even when we are being pushed away. Double all those qualities for Black women. The hardships we face in the world, NO OTHER WOMAN COULD EVER IMAGINE! The only reason we are not completely ignored is because our complexion is not fair, but our needs are rarely answered efficiently. I am not saying this to complain, I am saying this to say that, being seen and being heard will always be separate entities. When the two unite, it is a powerful combination! Women have always been discouraged not to merge the two. Double for Black women. That is why we fight. We have a somewhat guarded or stoic stance because our supposed protectors, abandon their jobs. That leaves us weak and vulnerable for anything. So excuse, the few of us with bad tempers or attitudes, we have just had way too many awful experiences not to be cautious and sometimes being a bitch is the only thing a woman has to hold on to.

Haute Asses!

So I am walking through a crowded department store and I see two guys browsing the latest shoes. One guy is wearing a mauve colored, button down cardigan with boot cut JBrand jeans. The other is wearing a Burberry, long sleeved polo with some dirty denim boot cut JBrand jeans on. I immediately assumed them to be a happy, homosexual couple just out and about shopping and enjoying a nice day. Then something truly shocking happened, they were joined by two girls. Both the girls came up and embraced the men, one passionately kissed the guy wearing the Burberry polo. They coupled up and continued to browse. I felt terrible. Terrible because I am automatically assumed both of those men to be gay. Why? Can't two, healthy, viral young men be fashion forward anymore?! Society says no. Whenever a man has a strong sense of fashion or is aware of top designers and hot trends, he must be GAY! No way can a straight man have a keen eye for what is haute without being gay. There has been much speculation on the subject; Trey Songz has a new article written about him weekly regarding his alleged gay lovers, Kanye West is too innovative, stylish, and kooky to be straight, and of course Diddy is too brilliant to not be gay! It is so sad. We have been hypnotized into believing the hype, sadly, so have I! I took a quick glance and made a distinct assumption based on wardrobe and nothing else. I felt ashamed of myself. Men can be fashion forward and not be gay. I have a few friends who live for runways, Vogue magazine, and beautiful Italian leather shoes and they are happily committed to their women. One of those friends is even married! Society places an overly masculine label on all men. Men are supposed to think a certain way, behave a certain way, and even dress a certain way. Anyone who does not conform is "suspect." Is it right? No! Will it change? No! I guess the only thing a person can do, use the famous saying as their personal mantra in everyday life "When you assume, you make an ass out of yourself." And I mostly certainly, made a nice, big, round one out of myself that day. Hopefully, never again!

FOR A SOON TO BE 24 YEAR OLD COLORED GIRL WHO WAS A BUNNY/PLAYBOY BUNNY FOR HALLOWEEN!

Crazy weeks lie ahead, but I am loving every single minute of it! I had to write two tiresome, exhausting, and relatively boring papers for English, but I feel the results were stellar. Now I am gearing up for a informative paper about the often controversial justice Clarence Thomas. This Pol-Sci paper will be my most intriguing yet. The Fair is ending Sunday and my sister and I decided we need to do it right so we will be going and thoroughly enjoying every single ride, funnel cake, candy apple, and deep fried snickers available! Work has pretty much taken over my life for the last couple of weeks. I finished the Haunted Nest job on Halloween and BOY WAS IT AN ADVENTURE! We were supposed to leave at 10pm, it was 10:37pm when we got a call for a bomb threat from two meth-head, acid tripping idiots who were mad because they were thrown out of the Nest for physically assaulting actors! We waited outside in Rawhide (fictional Western town) for an hour and 30 minutes before we rushed in to finish the last couple of scares. The scares were OK, but most of the crowd were so angry at having to wait in the freezing cold for over an hour that they pretty much left. I was a bunny for Halloween. The costume was originally supposed to be a true rabbit but it turned out looking somewhat reminiscent of a playboy bunny! I had fun, met lots of exciting people, got my first taste of horror theatrics, and learned how to make my face look like a skeleton! Oh and I earned an extra $700 bucks for the month of October. When asked the question if I would ever do another Haunted House, I would have to decline. As much fun as it was, hard work does not describe the magnitude of that kind of job. It is simply put, PAINFULLY TOUGH! My god son was born a healthy seven pounds, 9 ounces and he is as cute as a button. I can't wait to meet him. For Colored Girls came out Friday November 5th and my sister and a few friends are going to see it this evening. Every time I think of For Colored Girls, I remember the best part of my college experience. That play changed my life, made me a better woman, and made me want to BE A TRUE ARTIST! Because only an artist like Ntozake Shange could have created something that perfect! The young girl that existed before that play was transformed into a real woman when it was completed. I am so thankful for that experience. I guess God does put you in a certain place for a reason. Had I not mistakenly looked through the paper at the last minute, I would not have seen the audition for The American Academy of Dramatic Arts and gone on to not only audition, but get accepted, do extremely well as a student, graduate with flying colors, and be the artist that I am today. Thank you God, you may not always come when I want you to, but you are always on time!

Cheers to 24!

24 is only 6 years from 30. I know, I know, it is still young but, it is definitely not 17! I have always loved the mere thought of aging gracefully, but am I?!!! Don't get me wrong, I am a far from ungrateful, but I guess I'm greedy. I have always wanted it all. Well maybe "all" takes time, more time than 23 years of life. So maybe I shouldn't be looking at turning 24 as A BAD THING! Maybe it is simply a symbol of what's to come which is incredibly good stuff! No fear, 23 was nice, but 24 is bound to be way better! I pray dear God, I reach that glorious year; happy, healthy, and prepared for the inevitable!

Much Ado About Something

Coming out of my cosmic slump, I decided what I really needed; SOME DAMN EXCITEMENT! I am giving myself the best birthday gift ever, a excitement based, reality makeover. I have found my life most depressing over the following months and I want to change that! I am going to commit myself to the following regime:

• Hard work and a little play
• A glass of wine every night (to help me sleep)
• An allowance for more therapeutic writing, more so than career wise
• Cooking at least 3 days a week
• Regular exercise 5 DAYS A WEEK ( I AM PUSHING MYSELF TO LOOSE 25 PDS FOR HEALTH REASONS)
• Spend more time with my siblings
• Go out at least once every month (movies, shopping, dinner with friends, a trip, travel, etc)
• See my godson at least once every 6 months (hopefully everything 3 months!)
• Apply for new scholarships every week
• Save at least $50 every month
• Call my grandparents and extended family at least once a week
• Spend more time with my parents
• Stop making ominous lists and ACTUALLY START DOING WHAT I SAY I WILL DO!

If you are reading this, a list is only as good as its writers' determination to accomplish said' tasks!

Lost in Translation

When does "it" ever end? The valleys are low and I am definitely going through one. I have been on this sort of roller coaster that has me wondering about some serious things in my life. I do not want to spend an entire lifetime learning a lesson only to die and not have made something good of the message! I have had this sort of pain in my stomach, you know the type of pain that indicates when something is off in your life, relationships, and mostly YOU! This has pushed me to write something very poignant. Sometimes when you doubt yourself the most is when God shows you what you're made of. Right now, I need him to show me so, I can feel it again. I currently feel numb. I am a hollow shell of a woman where a soul and vibrancy once dwell. God help because I don't know what to do anymore......

Cupcakes and Pumpkins and Fairs, OH MY!

Some things just make people happy. For me, its the change of weather from hot to cool. Or cooler in this case. Phoenix has slowly started to embrace fall and I am loving every rainy minute of it! As the sizzling hot valley of the sun simmers in cool climate, I have taken the liberty of creating a happy harvest list. This list consists of must do's for fall. Things that both genders can appreciate and thoroughly enjoy. I love the holidays and Halloween (though technically not a holiday) jump starts all the fun stuff. Here are some fun, generally inexpensive, and exciting things for folks to do:

Go to a pumpkin patch- There is nothing like seeing those gorgeous orange pumpkins and sharing the memory with a loved one, especially young kids. I always feel like I'm five years old! Go pick a winner and carve up at least two. A super scary one for Halloween and a nice, delightful one for Thanksgiving.

Baking- If you don't already, I suggest flipping your TV to the food network and copying those exact recipes. Fall brings so many tasty things to eat; festive cupcakes, cookies, brownies, breads, pastas, and the fall favorite, APPLE CIDER!

Fall Fairs- No matter where you reside, during the fall, there is bound to be a fair within 20 miles of your home. Take advantage of the treats, rides, and most importantly that old, creepy Haunted House!

Shopping- This is the perfect season for building a new, warm wardrobe! Sweaters, socks, hosiery, scarfs, closed toed shoes, and denim are just a few fun accessories best worn during the Fall. TAKE ADVANTAGE!

Sleeping with the window cracked- This isn't necessarily a Fall thing so much as it is better to do during the Fall. I love the way the air feels. It's completely different than Summer, Winter, or Spring. It is cool, warm, and tasty all at the same time! This act should of course be accompanied by a warm blanket or throw, to avoid unwanted colds or the flu!

Fall themed pedicures- Be it on the toes or hands, there is never a shortage of creativeness when it comes to fall pedis and manis. I have seen candy corn nails, green leaf toes, and the infamous pumpkin patch theme throughout the fall season. Indulge yourselves, it only lasts those few short months.

Scary movies- If you're a horror fanatic like myself, Fall is the perfect season for you. Scary movies are plentiful throughout these months. With franchises like Saw, Halloween, and now Paranormal Activity, fall is a bit more creepy.

Halloween & Thanksgiving- The argument of the best Fall holiday of the year varies depending on the person. Some argue, Halloween is the best while others only consider Thanksgiving to be the only Fall holiday. I love them both and I think everyone should ditch their strict diets and fully engage in all the fabulous holiday treats! After all, it is FALL!

and last but, not least

Romance- Of course no one needs a season to be romantic but, one must agree that Fall is a far more romantic season than the others. Walks in the park with the leaves glistening on the ground, hand-holding throughout that beautiful pumpkin patch, spooning on the couch with that cozy throw and the window slightly cracked open, and of course riding that Ferris wheel with the one you love! The best time to do all these things is in the fall!

Happy Harvest!

Worth It All

Last week was a whirlwind, modestly put. I started my new job scaring people @ The Rawhide Haunted Nest, I went to El Paso for my best friend's baby shower, and I rode the bus for the first time in a long time... BY MYSELF! First off, the bus ride was very calming for some odd reason. I guess I had spent so much of my week rushing (baby shower gift, working) that I did not spare a second to just be. The bus ride finally gave me that solitude and I was eternally thankful for it. I finally got to finish a book that is now a month overdue! I also got to observe another side of travel. The bus gets such a horrid rep when in actuality, it is a rather sufficient way to travel. You would probably spend double the amount a single adult ticket costs on gas for your car. You would also have to worry about spending and room for luggage. It is much better in the long run, however, I will not be taking anymore bus rides in the future if I can avoid it. Too many weirdos, prostitutes, and odors for me to get over, simply put. The Haunt was a total success, although it needs to be scarier, it still has ENORMOUS potential. On Monday last week, I went to the doctor because my lymph node on the right side of my neck was killing me. I had blood taken and were tested for some routine Acid Reflux things. I always over anticipate the results of lab work being a true 2 weeks. Well, you can imagine my shock and horror and fear quadrupled when I received a call this afternoon from the doctor himself. Since I was just shy of a week of what I expected, I knew something was horribly wrong. Thankfully, I was fine. No strangeness within organs, blood was normal, and nothing too major with Acid Reflux beyond a lil bacteria that antibiotics will treat. I was relieved. El Paso was surprisingly fun! As a native Louisianian I have been on my share of Texas trips but, mostly driven though and not really stopping to enjoy TX beyond Dallas (relatives). I always remember two things when passing through El Paso; we're close to home (5 hours from Phx) or we were just starting through awful Texas (14 hours alone!). I got to see my bestie and she was beautiful. She had that sun-kissed, effervescent, pregnant glow that was doubled by her already overwhelming beauty. At first, I was worried about her being away from her fiance while pregnant but, with her family so close, I was satisfied. The baby shower was great fun. Lots of games, smiles, and shenanigans to keeps plenty of smiles on everyone's face. I normally rule the baby shower games but, for some strange reason, I had an off day. I accept defeat and move on. But, next time, I will not be so nice! Overall, the trip was what I needed. When I lived in LA, I used to say "A girl has to leave this city at least once every 3 months;" it is no different with Phoenix! We ate, I drank, and we were definitely merry! I got to see Jalen, Kathy's stepson. He is beyond precious. He is so smart and intuitive! She is blessed to have him as her bonus child, in the words of Jada Pinkett-Smith. I was just relieved to bond with my friend. We talked so much, I literally felt tired. I got a chance to feel my godson kick, it made me realize how miraculous pregnancy is. One minute, it is a lil sprinkle of a something, months later it is a baby! I am still in awe of the awesome God we have. I pray everyday that he is healthy! I just can't wait to meet him. The down side to the trip is how much I realized I want to be a mama very soon. I thought 7 years and I may be ready, now it's looking like 3! I proudly made the declaration to my boyfriend, who said so galantly "Why not tomorrow?" He only added to my growing curiosity! All in all, 2010 has been surprisingly good to me. I have a job (in a brutal repression), decent health (just got confirmation), lovely friends (who I ride buses to see!), a good man, and my ambition which drives me to do what I must do, START THE REVOLUTION! Until the revolution starts, I will be a vegetarian for the month of October and maybe even longer. Although my health isn't totally shot, it needs some work and I need to stop putting off losing weight like it will get easier. The time is now. And the countdown is set by, the end of October, I will hopefully be healthier, more focused, a lil richer (3 jobs), and my beautiful godson will be here for us all to love and enjoy up close and personally. Life is sweet, so I will continue to indulge myself.

I Choose Love

Who am I if no one loves me?

depressed

lonely

scared

Who am I when someone loves me?
fiercebold

confidenthappy

The good outweighs the bad I choose love

God guide me to the love, I have some but, one can never have enough!

This One is for the CRAZIES!

My mind and heart has been racing with crazy thoughts and questions this week; Am I really a writer, will I remain in Arizona, what school is right for me, and where is the love? That unstoppable, heart-pounding, intense love that I always dreamed about? Is it merely a dream or possibility? I have always been fortunate enough to meet good looking men, they just happen to come with baggage. And the baggage is not light as a feather, the baggage is heavy and suspect, the kind that gets you pulled into that tiny room in the airport. I know no one is perfect but, I always envisioned this sort of exceptional man wrapped in this shiny package and waiting for me to unwrap him. So much for dreams because, all my life has been plagued with one disaster after another. I started thinking to myself, is it me? Am I the one getting in the way of MY OWN HAPPINESS??!!! This question began to ring in my ear this week. I was thinking about my past, present, and future. I have been through a lot with men; stolen identities, cheating, abuse of all types, and even death. I know what I want but, I am not sure if I'll ever achieve that. Currently, the only man I love, lives 3,000 miles away in upstate New York. He has his own indiscretions and issues so, there simply is no room for mine. Then came the life changing declaration that was spurned from a contradictory conversation... I had a heated debate with my co-workers about what is considered "crazy". My manager mentioned the actress Cybil Shepard. She, a beauty pageant winner, award winning thespian, and accomplished author has multiple personalities. I knew this but, unlike the many minions of this modern society, I would not deem her crazy for a condition that is as illusive as it is awful to endure. I, a "normal citizen" will never know what she goes through on a regular basis. Her experience is rare and only understandable to a small few, those afflicted. I don't care what text books, web pages, and encyclopedias say, crazy is RELATIVE! There is no distinct definition. I think Lady Gaga is a little crazy for a putrid fashion sense (meat dresses, crab hats, and just about everything she wears) but, her many fanatics feel she is a GODDESS! They would be highly insulted if someone pulled their card and considered them crazy for appreciating it. At the same time, there is a standard, a certain quintessential level of normalcy that garners praise for its comfort. People like to think other people feel EXACTLY the same way they do. I COMPLETELY DISGRESS!!! I would never want someone to think the same way I do, agree with me on everything, and always say "please" and "thank you". A little controversy is always healthy, just not everyday. Never the less, I was completely shocked when I heard my very young manager say that he felt that "clinically depressed people were crazy!" I nearly jumped out of my skin. How so, I wondered. They have a mental condition, that has no distinct definition or explanation, it just exists and they as humans are forced to endure it and adapt as best as they know possible. The sad part is that those who are afflicted are greatly underrepresented. Not all clinically depressed people are "crazy". Some are devastated by death, loneliness, or some other equally painful void that has yet to heal. Does that make them crazy for something they don't know how to fix? I don't think so. I think it is a questionable as how "autism really became to be", the answer is mysterious. But, with the reasoning of someone being crazy because of conditions like depression, comes a stigma. A stigma that is unnecessary and hurtful. While this convoluted conversation came to a head, I decided to cease any further comment. I could see my frustration building to the boiling point. I knew there was no nice way to say what I felt like saying. I knew there was no understanding between the two men that stood before me. Then it hit me, it is because I am discussing this with men or is it? Men typically are intimidated by powerfully outspoken women. They try to control by deeming them "crazy", see the distinction? This is why I consider a person's perception of crazy to relative. A man might find an ambitious, severely outspoken woman to be "too much" so, their way of controlling her is by making her seem "crazy" thus slapping a label on her! Now you see why I hate the term crazy? There is no right or wrong way to be crazy, it simply is, to whoever sees it and speaks on it. I feel that I am that pink elephant in the room, the woman who can't be tamed or completely understood and I like that. At first, I thought, "I will never have friends or keep a man with these thoughts and opinions" but, then I realized if a person doesn't love you or respect for being you, SCREW EM! They weren't destined to be in your life anyway. So for all those men and women who didn't stay in the circle, it did not and will not remain broken. I will have people in my live, who are touched, feel blessed, and whole-heartedly respect, the woman I am and have always been. I shall not change my colors to blend into the background of society, I shall remain beautiful, and loud because in the words of my most favorite show of all time "Wild horses can't be tamed, they need someone just as wild to roam with them." Touche!

Baby Got Fack!

So, after watching the VMA's I have decided I am officially done with "Music Television". MTVs decline is well deserved. How does a channel pride themselves on being a channel that is all about music and as soon as they get the chance they jump on the bandwagon and become VH1 2 complete with dozens of mindless reality shows? Have you no loyalty? No respect?!! That was not what curdled my blood the most, that moment came when I saw a semi- popular, female rapper named Nicki Minaj came out on stage and her derriere was so falsely huge you could see the imprint of the butt pads! It was so sad! Ladies, God made you a certain way for a reason. Drastic measures such as permanent plastic surgeries are scary, but even with a flailing economy, they are up 21% this year! WHY??!!! I remember the days when having an ass was not popular, liked, or even publically embraced! Now people are re-financing their homes for the Brazilian butt lift! When did this happen? Have the Post J-LO days left a void that only fakers like Kim K. and Nicki Minaj can feel? If so, why are they so influential? As a black woman, I have had an ass since the 5th grade. I was always teased and laughed at for my butt. Black women for the majority of our existence were always made to feel bad about their appearance. Our full lips, wide hips, big asses, and thick thighs were not synonymous with attractive. Try that look on a non-black woman and she is exotic, gorgeous, and "different." Why don't we ever get any love for our features??!! The answer has yet to be revealed. This will be a much needed chapter in the book, how to love yourself and not alienate reality!

Let the Haunt Begin!

Gosh, there are so many fabulous things happening in my life. I am trying to navigate my way through this craziness without prejudice. Sunday, I had a fun audition at Rawhide Halloween Haunt. I pray to God, that I get the job! It is only a dream come true. I LOVE ALL THINGS HORROR, SCARY, AND CREEPY! I look forward to Halloween twenty times more now! School is heating up quite a bit as well. An personal essay is on the rise and my Political Science class is riveting. I am learning in depth about my Civil Rights and although I know my Civil Rights, I can always learn more! This has also inspired a very detailed and vital chapter of my book titled, KNOW YOUR ROLE. You have to know what is legal and illegal in order to avoid personal ruin in the future. This chapter touches on a very personal and triumphant portion of my later years in Los Angeles. The scenario changed my life forever. I know people say that a 100 times within a year but, honestly I mean it. It was the most pivotal part of my life. This chapter also touches on overcoming failure, depression, and righting your wrongs by making a mends with yourself! This may be the longest chapter in my book. It however is necessary for me. I LOVE WRITING, FREE THERAPY!!! Stay tuned......

What Oxys You Does Not Make You A Moron!

The first chapter in my book deals with regret. A big word with an even bigger definition; feeling unsettled or displeased with a past decision, ordeal, or outcome. I had some major regrets but, I made a vow with myself to let them go as soon as 2010 started. I cannot say that those moments are erased from my memory but, there are not in my forefront of thoughts anymore. Now, I work extra hard to think pensively about my actions before acting! It's hard work when you're an impulsive and spontaneous Scorpio like myself! So far, so good. I have not left to much toxic waste to clean up later. I have managed to remain faithful to my goal. What I want to make extremely clear in this chapter, is that a mistake DOES NOT SEAL YOUR FATE! Everyone gets a second wind to do what they did not do the first time. Deepak Chopra once said "You can be centered & spontaneous at the same time." For so long, I simply thought to myself, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? It is a direct oxymoron! In my humble opinion, I believe he meant that you can still have that spark without losing reality of your future. What you do now, could scar you for life. Do not act on instinct, act on destiny. Think with a sound heart and a sound mind. City girls, rural females, and worldly women of the universe, these are your first set of keys that will open the door to personal peace!

We, Us, Them, & the City!

This past weekend has restablished my feelings about big city living, some of my current relationships, friendships, love, and my future. I spent the weekend with my lovely boyfriend who lives in the city that never sleeps, New York. I have to say every time I go I always enjoy myself. We dance, we talk, we eat, and we fall in love all over again. This time, I had an added bonus, I got to see two of my good friends from college, Nia Witts & Diana Yekini! It was like we were on stage all over again. From the dancing, incessant conversation, reliving Academy life, and late night adventures, I can honestly say it was the pick me up I needed. Jimmy and I have the most intriguing experiences wherever we stay. For Valentine's day this year we stayed at a luxury resort in Tarrytown and there was a handicapped convention where groups of mentally challenged children we doing bellyflops into the 4 foot pool all while it was 20 degrees out! This time, we stayed in Stampford, CT. (a place we would both consider moving to & starting a family!) and this time, there was an Orthodox Jewish convention. So, each morning we woke up to small red-headed lil girls & fair haired little boys rocking their yamacas complete with side curls. We were stared at as if we were aliens. A Black woman and an Arab man walking around in a conservative area of town, holding hands with a Orthodox Jewish convention going on downstairs? It was interesting to say the least! The adventure was well worth it. It will forever be cemented in my memory as well. I look forward to more exciting adventures in NYC. It also got me to thinking, if I moved there I could have exciting adventures like such everyday! That would be too close to my Sex and the City fantasy that I mentally live out every night. The dream is more adventurous. Besides if I were living it, what would I have to write about and look forward to? MORE ADVENTURES, THAT'S WHAT!

Here's to Backpacks, Babies, & Believing...

Whoo, it has been such a whirlwind week! Busy is an understatement. But I am busy working towards building a better Oriel so, no complaints at all. I met the most adorable little person this week, her name is Ms. London Cherie Moore and she is beyond precious. Seeing her and feeling her tiny little heart beat all the way through her head made me realize how special babies are. It also made me want one of my own. I know that the time is not right so, there is no rush but, I really love children and I can't wait to hear that small little voice call me mommy some day. I will cherish those moments for an eternity. Part of the reason why I love my job is because I get to be surrounded by these tiny brains with ENORMOUS POTENTIAL. I tutor children for my mother & aunt's tutoring company Back2Basics Tutorial and it's such a rewarding profession. I really want to make an impact on the world; this is my small but SIGNIFICANT contribution. I am so excited about all these events on the rise; tutoring, school, babies, and love. 2010 could not get any sweeter.

Our Anniversary

So August 9th, 2010 marks the day that I became acquainted with Mr. Jimmy Samaras. He is the love of my life and I could not be any happier. He has cemented a special place in my heart and I'm blessed to have him. I would love to tell you our ride has not been rocky, but that would untrue. The low points, thankfully did not outweigh the highs. We have made it through our first year. I can honestly say beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I never foresaw us lasting a whole year. My typical dating behavior hasn't been incredibly stable. I tend to tire of men pretty quickly which is why I'm a bit of a loner. A protective shield to avoid disappointment, something I have never been that good at accepting. I have had some instances of disappointment while in this relationship, but the love that I possess for Jimmy trumps any hurt. That has never happened to me before. In the past, if a person let me down I wasted no time erasing them from my life. It sounds harsh, but someone had to protect my heart. I can honestly say this relationship taught me that you can run from disappointment and hurt, but eventually it will it catch up to you. On a much needed break, I had time to reflect on us.  I realized no one makes me feel the way he does. No man touched my heart the way Jimmy does. That is when I knew that I was not ready to throw in the towel. I may see cuties and hot guys out and about but at the end of the day, I know what I have and I would not trade it for anything in the world. Our love is like a diamond; beautiful, big, and everlasting. There may be some small flaws, but the love is forever! I love you Jimbo and happy 1 year anniversary!

A Pray for the Young at Heart

Well, I have some food in my bag. Not the kind of food you eat, some food for thought. So upon discussing a variety of topics with my good friend Sammy, it became very clear to me, this generation of children in the world is missing something. Something that does not come everyday not, even something centuries old but, definitely something. I listen to the music, the Soulja Boy's, Gaga's, and the Kesha's and I weep for them. Not that these artists do not deserve the shine, admiration, or credit but, it's just not real music to me. Sure, an artist can write some lyrics on paper and add a beat, but THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT MUSIC! In my mind, music has a message that is mystical, enchanting, and effervescent. I do not feel that the music of today has any direction at all and yet it has a cult-like following. I ask the simple question, are the modern teenagers of the world being brainwashed to appreciate bullshit music and half-ass lyrics? I believe so. Half the song's sound inaudible, the musicians are all half-naked, and there is always some blatant if not subliminal agenda pushing of sexual innuendos. I will piggy back on what comedian Steve Harvey once said "Today's music is too straight-forward, back in the day, ARTISTS used to romance you, make you feel all tingly inside and then come with the heat now it's a different story. Now it's, "Girl you looks good wantcha back that ass up!" No more turn off the lights, if you're not outright talking about your plans, YOU AIN'T SELLING NO GODDAMN RECORDS!!!" I love him for his honesty, he speaks truthfully. No one is selling artistry, they are selling sex and the world is eating it up by the ton. Now, I would love to sell the fairy story about how I never "drop it like its hot," but I know the difference in the dance and the way you present yourself to the world. I look at some of my young friends and family and I pray that they know the difference between the words in the song and the way they live their lives. I pray that it's not their intention to show themselves full of angst, aggression, and hyper-sexuality. I pray they have enough disciple and general sense of reality to know who they are and not be defined or allow themselves to be so closely associated with these words. The music today does not give them many options beyond highly sexualized, impulsive, and erratic actions and behaviors. For a dose of sexy and sophisticated, I suggest they tune into the smooth, sultry, and equally enchanting sounds of Ms. Anita Baker. Or if you're looking for melodic hip-hop lyrics with some genuine meaning I suggest all of Mr. Common's cds or even a Tribe Called Quest album. You ask a 16 nowadays who a Tribe Called Quest is and you will have this minds totally baffled and lost. But the kids of today would not be so stimulated by these artists, they are far to deep for the shallow ears of today's hypnotized society to appreciate.

Second Star to the Right

I think that every person should set strict guidelines and goals for themselves so that they can master the gentile art of disciple. Disciple is a science still in its infancy and constantly being researched. I have so much on my plate. This will only add even more intrigue to this slow simmering novel I am currently constructing. I went to my adviser at ASU and spoke with her rather intricately about all the details of the Creative Writing program at ASU. I was so delighted to hear all the amazing information. I get to investigate more literature than I already have, continue to write my own poetry, and greatly improve all my skills so that I am the most complete writer possible. I used to kick myself so hard for not going to a four year university straight out of high school but, now I'm more grateful for my decision to go to my acting conservatory and hone my skills. I have a vast wealth of knowledge in the world of arts. Those experiences in Los Angeles have truly shaped me as an adult. I see the world and all its dimensions. I am not so sure that I could say that had I decided to go straight to college and not immerse myself in my passion I would be this worldly, intelligent individual I am today. I am far more focused, bound, and determined to be a success. I did not have those passions at 18. You see when I was 18, I was running from so much; disappointment, shame, and mostly myself. I had done some unthinkable things, made some life-altering mistakes, and inevitably switched paths. I used to believe that if I could wipe out all that had occurred after 17, I would be the happiest person alive but, now I am not so sure. I was so green and naive before 18. I could have fallen victim to far more mischief and trouble had I not decided to open my eyes. Now that those sparkling brown eyes are open nothing and no one will ever close them again. I can clearly see that God is perfect and all of the things that occur in our life are preordained and created to occur for a particular reason. I am not entirely sure why but, eventually it will be revealed to me. I just hope I'm ready for the revelation when it comes.

Exact Indulgence

So, I had a blast last night! I went to karaoke and really let my hair down. I was up to sing Mariah Carey's "Fantasy" from the Daydream album but, time did not permit. I will have to reprise my throne as karaoke queen next Tuesday. It was exciting and exactly what I needed! A personal thank you to my E-Works co-workers for being able to let go and indulge yourselves a little. A common belief is that you shouldn't indulge yourself, indulgence is not a healthy lifestyle choice. I totally disagree. Every now and again, its nice to take yourself out to movie, buy a new pair of shoes, or even enjoy a fabulous, even pricey meal. These elements make the daily hustle and bustle of everyday life (which is often stressful) pretty relaxing. So far this week, I have indulged myself a lil too much. Two pricey meals, hanging out everyday, and I am booked up through the weekend for hangouts. I am still focused folks, no need to worry. I am committed to finishing this blog daily and receiving all the positive responses, suggestions, and comments from all who are reading. SO keep em coming folks!

Past the Moon

So I am currently reading two new books (gotta love the library), "What is this thing called Love" by Gene Wilder and "The Gospel According to Coco Chanel" by Karen Karbo. So far, I'm in utter bliss. Great reads. They have further inspired me to write a miraculous work of art! I have made a decision on the route I am taking for the topic, theme, and direction of the book. I hope the first rough copy will be completed after this year. So much is going on in my life right now: three new little babies are coming into my life (one of them is my godson), starting the rest of my education with college, completing a goal of mine, my book, and hopefully reaching my own personal version of nirvana. You see, I am a firm believer that as a person you can have it all. I want the success, my own career, financial freedom, and wonderful man to share in this incredible journey called life. I believe we as a people are always made to choose, one or the other. I CHOOSE not to CHOOSE, I want it all! I believe I can be the renaissance woman and ignite a fire in others to do the same. Some say it's hoping for too much, I say if you never reach for the stars, how are you going to soar to extraordinary feats and be an OUT OF THIS WORLD individual?

The Topic of Today is....

So as I am on a mission for a solid topic for my baby, my book and I have come to a few serious conclusions for the title and the topic. I have so many situations going on in my life at the moment. Pregnancies, family issues, financial conundrums, self-reflections, and maintaining confidence towards my future. Here are some strong contenders for topics:

• A self esteem guide for young women. I believe that women have, always will be, and currently are the future of our world! Self- esteem is vital
• A guide for a safe, positive, and successful experience as a woman maintaining in a major city. I would deem this guide, CITY GIRLS!
• A love story about a wild woman who refuses to settle down, UNTIL, a big change makes her take a long hard look at her life and make some much needed changes.

thoughts, opinions, and comments welcome.....THANKS!!!

My Baby

I need a real theme, concept, and topic for my book. I have so many many things I would like to accomplish and independently completing a work of literature is one of them. I believe I have always been afraid of what would happen if I tried hard at something and it failed. I guess the coward in me didn't want to admit failure stinks and I am not a good loser. Thankfully, I have been blessed with an undeniable sense of reliance. I have matured to accept the things that I cannot change and pray for the things I want to fix. One thing I am most passionate about is confidence. So many of us lack confidence, especially women. No one can instill it but, us. We look to magazines, movies, media, and worst of all people! ENOUGH! I want to bridge that gap. I want to open the realm of possibilities that a woman/man has in this world has. A bold aspiration I know, but you gotta reach for the stars! If anyone has a firm but, regal book topic suggestion please drop me a line and let me know.....I am in "writers block hell!"

Birthright

In life there are few things that a woman MUST aspire to achieve; respect, dignity, self-esteem, and CLASS!!! And for those that don't know, you cannot buy CLASS! You cannot fake class, you cannot create class, and you most certainly cannot borrow class. You are simply born with it. And it is up to you whether you maintain it. Short and sweet today but, always a direct hit. Blessings to all.

The Words Inside the Word

I had a revolutionary evening. I went to a meeting that made me feel all warm and tingly inside. This meeting was more than just a grouping of people discussing common community issues, it was a movement. The irony in the word community is that few people actually dissect the word, I mean the words inside the word says it all, commune. In my mind that means togetherness, communication, unity. These elements are so vital especially in today's society. It's easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. Tonight's meeting was about incorporating those ravages souls who went off into the world and either committed some sort of crime or had a streak of hard times and tough breaks. We, as society tend to ignore those people, as if they do not deserve a second chance or a closer look. But, if we as people don't take a closer look, we might only see a portion of the painting AND not the BIG picture. Mistakes are every humans God given flaw. No one of us is perfect, we are simply trying different methods to reach our own personal serenity. We may stumble upon some minor or major misfortunes but, that does not mean we should be banished from opportunities. With that being said, this community was more than insightful, it was a slice of the life that many a person over looks, the felon or ex-con. Sure, some of those crimes are unimaginable, scarring, and even unforgivable. The reality is once these people have been released in this jungle of a place, known as society, they don't have a shoulder to lean on, a leg to stand on, and support systems they can depend on. I couldn't imagine in a million years that I would be writing so emphatically about ex-cons but, tonight ignited a sense of morality and consciousness I've always possessed. Though I will never quite be able to have complete compassion for the atrocious crimes of rape, child molestation, or murder I do know that the label is a difficult one to carry in this cold world we reside on. So, today I am making a pledge. I am going to stop being to hasty to judge, so closed minded, and shut-off from these people. I am going to manifest myself in culture of change for the better. People who have been incarcerated already have a burden to carry, I don't need to tosh another one on there. I am opening up my heart, mind, body, and soul to the possibility of change through positive reinforcement, love, and community. I pride myself on always being apart of a positive movement, if I condemn those people, I am no better than the rest of society. And I made a vow with myself years ago, that I would always be an individual not, a follower. Have a blessed day those of you reading this. Think with an open heart, soul, and mind. I coined a profound quote from one the educators there he said " We as a community of people can not alter the past. Fore we are but drops of water, single when separated. But when we come together, we are a unit. We are a strong force. WE can be the Tsunami of change that the world needs." Truer words have never been spoken.

SSB

Today's thought, SSB. Anyone who has lived alone has a lil bit of SSB in them. For the completely clueless, SSB stands for Secret Single Behavior.Feel free to giggle to yourself, I certainly do every time I hear it. I first acknowledged that I had SSB when I realized all the weird things I would do alone in the privacy of my own apartment. One of the many things I did was sit upside down, painting my toe nails and pumicing my heels. Weird to some, totally normal to me. That same night I was on the phone with a friend and we were chatting about our day and I paused. She asked me what I was doing and I said "I'm pumicing my heels, they are so dry and gross." She then in asked in utter curiousity, "How can you focus on pumicing your heels and talk to me at the same time?" I merely replied "When you have secret single behavior, you become extremely good at multi-tasking." She laughed for a good five minutes and then we continued on with the conversation. After that night, I began to mentally evaluate every single action that took place while I was alone. From the cooking, dancing scantily clad to horrendous music, even waking up early just to lounge in your pj's all day never leaving your home once that day!This type of behavior would fall subject to scrutiny and ridicule if ever discovered. That is why it is secret. So anyone who is out there listening if you have any weird or questionable behavior don't worry I completely understand, your secret is safe with me.

Optimism

"If I knew what I know now then" is something I pondered today. I was thinking back to my life a few years ago and all the people within it. I would say about 70% of those people are still around. The 30% that perished obviously did so for a reason much bigger than my comprehension. God must have saw some things that I did not. Still, I cannot help but think of them, especially one in particular. We were inseparable, shadows, we practically finished each others sentences. Our split was not even close to amicable. I prayed that things would smooth over upon our departures but, such is not the case. Make no mistake about it, I do think of her often but, I am a firm believer that God has the blueprint to our lives perfectly mapped out. And if those people were meant to be there, they most definitely would be. Maybe it wasn't our time or maybe the union was not meant to be at all. Who really knows? The almighty does, that is for sure. I know this is reaching a bit but, I wish I could have a hint sometimes. If I knew what I know now, would I have even made the mistakes I made in life? Befriended those hollow individuals? Created some of the messes I made? I am not sure, today, without a doubt, I say, NO, tomorrow's answer could be different. I guess I will lean on faith for future reference.

Everything Has its Own Scent

I am nearly religious about the phrase "everything has its own scent." One particular scent that I am instantly intoxicated by is that of the library. As soon as I walk in there is pungent aroma of books. Some old, some new, and some classic. I credit my grandmother's for my love affair with library. I remember just about every summer we visited we would go to the local library. We could pick out as many or as little as we liked, but one thing was for certain; WE HAD TO INDULGE OURSELVES! My sister would always pick out something that correlated with her grade level. I on the other hand was a total princess about my selection. I loved anything girly or feminine. I would likely be seen in the fairytale/fantasy fiction section. Yes, maybe not the best content, but the moral of this life lesson is that my grandmas instilled in me the value of community, knowledge, and independence. The independence was prevalent because whenever I needed to find anything, my grandmas would not help me find it. They would make me go seek help on my own or I would work to find them myself. Although, I am happy about it now, as a child I did not always love the library. I do however have immense gratitude and appreciation for the library, something I feel society's children do not value anymore. The library is just a place they meet in a few times a year while in school. To me it is more than that. It is a sanctuary for thoughts, a place to pay homage to all the magnificent storytellers and prophets who told their stories no matter how mundane or redundant they may have seemed. Sadly, the library is no longer a staple in American communities. Thanks to advancing technology, you don't need to leave home. We can read the pages out of books online, go to CliffNotes for summaries, and virtually rule the world from our little computers. There is something nice in knowing that, these institutions will always be there for us when we absolutely need them. Or will they? This vicious repression has put great strain on many of American states funds so, much to the point where there is little left for our libraries. Well, no matter how bad things get I will always choose to patronize the library over any computer. Yes, I love technology like the next person, but before a computer was relevant, your local Library was all the rage. And thanks to my wonderful and wise grannies, they will always be in my heart!

Food for thought

While I was listening to my girl Samantha James sing the hopefully sweet song that is Angel Love, I remembered something I had been wanting to mention. How does a person know if they are a meat eating vegetarian? I know, I know, the phrase is a little silly in nature but, actually I coined the term from my favorite show Sex and the City. Charlotte, who had been a Episcopalian christian her whole life converted to Judaism in hopes that her very non- conservative, Jewish boyfriend would marry her. They broke up. Her friends naturally assumed she would convert back and return to the singles scene as the "Christian Charlotte" she always was. She vehemently rebuffed their opinions and thus made the bold declaration, "I am not a meat eating vegetarian, I am not a fair weather Jew. I am going to remain in my new faith." Without immediate acknowledgment, I eventually incorporated this colorful expression into my vocabulary and then, it got me to thinking; Am I a meat eating vegetarian? Do I say one thing and secretly do another? Do I stand firm on my beliefs and never waver on my thoughts and opinions? My definition of a meat eating vegetarian is the person who commits beyond cardinal sins such a fraud, money-laundering, and even murder and then they go to Confession, beg forgiveness, and now they are forgiven and well on their way to plotting out their next criminal offense. A little harsh reasoning, I know, but I am very firm in my views of the politics of meat eating vegetarians. So today, I ask the question today, are you a meat eating vegetarian?

Distant Lovers...

In route to the new book, there has been a lingering thought on my mind. Why is long distance so exhausting? I mean you love a person and keep in constant communication so, why do you feel unsatisfied? The distance! It's unbearable! I have been in my current relationship for a year on August 9th. I feel like he is the one, but with the career I want, will I have to get used to this? I mean a new actress/writer is trying to get in where she fits in so naturally, your choices for more time, sleep, and leisure to be with the ones you love are limited. If I can't hack it as we speak, do we even have a leg to stand on? I am so glad I have this forum to speak because sometimes, I feel so much anxiety regarding expressing my emotions. I am currently listening to Brandy's Human album and feeling a cosmic connection. I hate this so much. I am patient, but I am wilting. I need a prayer something serious. I do not want to give in to the many distractions because I know none of it would be worth it in the long run. This is what I want, but honestly speaking, how long can this be? I guess when I left New York in February, I did not think I would miss him this much. Just about everyday I wake up around 3:03 a.m., usually from a dream that I have about him. It generally involves, this white cloudy sequence with he and I dancing to Marvin's Gayes, "Come and live with me Angel" off his I Want You album. I never make it through the entire dream, just the beginning. It's fuzzy like our current romantic connection. I am praying that someone out there has been in the same boat. I need some inspiration and courage. As for now, the book will continue to be my nearby baby until my long distance baby can be a permanent fixture in my life. Dozing again, this time, a lil uplifted, jamming out to the soulful sounds of Mrs. Amel Larrieux. That woman could describe something as boring as water and make it sound like Van Gogh's Starry Night. Anyways, I'm just blabbing on, in actuality, I know I will be fine. I just have the Long Distance Missing Your Man Blues.....sigh......now back to restlessness.

One More Thing

One more thing,

I was in a bit of a mood today. I did not want to do anything but sulk. My mother came into my room, very spritely in fact. She asked me to go to a party with her. I was so uninterested and so bitter from all the thoughts roaming through my head that I just lashed out at her. That was not fair at all. She did not deserve that. I was so busy feeling sorry for all the things in my life that were wrong that I didn't care about anyone's feelings but my own. In the end, I went to the party. The irony of it all was that I had one of the best times I have had in a very long time! Thank you for not letting the Devil win. Sorry for the shitty behavior mama.

Spinning

Ok so, it's 2:08a.m., the t.v. is on mute, and I am still entranced by the lovely Janelle Monae. A creative genius has plenty of thoughts, but the organization is keen. It is also something I do not currently have.I am praying for the inspiration and direction I need to guide me to that formula for success. My father told me if I could not think off the top of my head that I should write down my thoughts so, here goes. Next week will mark an entire year and a month since my life changed drastically. I moved from Hollywood to a much more calm Phoenix. Though the city is nothing new, the feeling most definitely is foreign. For the first time in my life, I feel extremely conflicted. I had it all figured out. I moved to Los Angeles at 18 and I was going to become a graduate of The American Academy of Dramatic Arts and a well respected actress by 20. It was a plan still very immature in its infancy. Many things went well and plenty of things went wrong. All and all, the information and the lessons that I learned were invaluable. I can never make those same mistakes again. I can truly say I AM better. As for the scars, they are still healing. I opened a wound the other day when I saw pictures of my stolen car. I cried for hours on Friday, so much to the point of exhaustion which prompted a restless nap. I know things happen for a reason but, I have yet to really comprehend the turn of events that prompted my leaving LA. I accept fault for what role I played and even for the things I cannot change. And I pray faithfully everyday for direction and for my own salvation. Today, I pledge to never feel bad or beat myself up for those events anymore. Today is the resurrection!

The ArchAndroid

Listening to Janelle Monae, a true visionary in her own right. Feeling inspired. Its nice to know you are not alone in your relief from art and all its splendor. This woman is as psychedelic as they come and yet I crave her. Today I found myself dozing off with her demo, The Audition on replay. I am completely possessed by this single called You. It was my inspiration for today. Love is not a four letter word, but a metaphor for the living.