Sunday, August 29, 2010
The first chapter in my book deals with regret. A big word with an even bigger definition; feeling unsettled or displeased with a past decision, ordeal, or outcome. I had some major regrets but, I made a vow with myself to let them go as soon as 2010 started. I cannot say that those moments are erased from my memory but, there are not in my forefront of thoughts anymore. Now, I work extra hard to think pensively about my actions before acting! It's hard work when you're an impulsive and spontaneous Scorpio like myself! So far, so good. I have not left to much toxic waste to clean up later. I have managed to remain faithful to my goal. What I want to make extremely clear in this chapter, is that a mistake DOES NOT SEAL YOUR FATE! Everyone gets a second wind to do what they did not do the first time. Deepak Chopra once said "You can be centered & spontaneous at the same time." For so long, I simply thought to myself, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? It is a direct oxymoron! In my humble opinion, I believe he meant that you can still have that spark without losing reality of your future. What you do now, could scar you for life. Do not act on instinct, act on destiny. Think with a sound heart and a sound mind. City girls, rural females, and worldly women of the universe, these are your first set of keys that will open the door to personal peace!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
This past weekend has restablished my feelings about big city living, some of my current relationships, friendships, love, and my future. I spent the weekend with my lovely boyfriend who lives in the city that never sleeps, New York. I have to say every time I go I always enjoy myself. We dance, we talk, we eat, and we fall in love all over again. This time, I had an added bonus, I got to see two of my good friends from college, Nia Witts & Diana Yekini! It was like we were on stage all over again. From the dancing, incessant conversation, reliving Academy life, and late night adventures, I can honestly say it was the pick me up I needed. Jimmy and I have the most intriguing experiences wherever we stay. For Valentine's day this year we stayed at a luxury resort in Tarrytown and there was a handicapped convention where groups of mentally challenged children we doing bellyflops into the 4 foot pool all while it was 20 degrees out! This time, we stayed in Stampford, CT. (a place we would both consider moving to & starting a family!) and this time, there was an Orthodox Jewish convention. So, each morning we woke up to small red-headed lil girls & fair haired little boys rocking their yamacas complete with side curls. We were stared at as if we were aliens. A Black woman and an Arab man walking around in a conservative area of town, holding hands with a Orthodox Jewish convention going on downstairs? It was interesting to say the least! The adventure was well worth it. It will forever be cemented in my memory as well. I look forward to more exciting adventures in NYC. It also got me to thinking, if I moved there I could have exciting adventures like such everyday! That would be too close to my Sex and the City fantasy that I mentally live out every night. The dream is more adventurous. Besides if I were living it, what would I have to write about and look forward to? MORE ADVENTURES, THAT'S WHAT!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Whoo, it has been such a whirlwind week! Busy is an understatement. But I am busy working towards building a better Oriel so, no complaints at all. I met the most adorable little person this week, her name is Ms. London Cherie Moore and she is beyond precious. Seeing her and feeling her tiny little heart beat all the way through her head made me realize how special babies are. It also made me want one of my own. I know that the time is not right so, there is no rush but, I really love children and I can't wait to hear that small little voice call me mommy some day. I will cherish those moments for an eternity. Part of the reason why I love my job is because I get to be surrounded by these tiny brains with ENORMOUS POTENTIAL. I tutor children for my mother & aunt's tutoring company Back2Basics Tutorial and it's such a rewarding profession. I really want to make an impact on the world; this is my small but SIGNIFICANT contribution. I am so excited about all these events on the rise; tutoring, school, babies, and love. 2010 could not get any sweeter.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
So August 9th, 2010 marks the day that I became acquainted with Mr. Jimmy Samaras. He is the love of my life and I could not be any happier. He has cemented a special place in my heart and I'm blessed to have him. I would love to tell you our ride has not been rocky, but that would untrue. The low points, thankfully did not outweigh the highs. We have made it through our first year. I can honestly say beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I never foresaw us lasting a whole year. My typical dating behavior hasn't been incredibly stable. I tend to tire of men pretty quickly which is why I'm a bit of a loner. A protective shield to avoid disappointment, something I have never been that good at accepting. I have had some instances of disappointment while in this relationship, but the love that I possess for Jimmy trumps any hurt. That has never happened to me before. In the past, if a person let me down I wasted no time erasing them from my life. It sounds harsh, but someone had to protect my heart. I can honestly say this relationship taught me that you can run from disappointment and hurt, but eventually it will it catch up to you. On a much needed break, I had time to reflect on us. I realized no one makes me feel the way he does. No man touched my heart the way Jimmy does. That is when I knew that I was not ready to throw in the towel. I may see cuties and hot guys out and about but at the end of the day, I know what I have and I would not trade it for anything in the world. Our love is like a diamond; beautiful, big, and everlasting. There may be some small flaws, but the love is forever! I love you Jimbo and happy 1 year anniversary!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Well, I have some food in my bag. Not the kind of food you eat, some food for thought. So upon discussing a variety of topics with my good friend Sammy, it became very clear to me, this generation of children in the world is missing something. Something that does not come everyday not, even something centuries old but, definitely something. I listen to the music, the Soulja Boy's, Gaga's, and the Kesha's and I weep for them. Not that these artists do not deserve the shine, admiration, or credit but, it's just not real music to me. Sure, an artist can write some lyrics on paper and add a beat, but THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT MUSIC! In my mind, music has a message that is mystical, enchanting, and effervescent. I do not feel that the music of today has any direction at all and yet it has a cult-like following. I ask the simple question, are the modern teenagers of the world being brainwashed to appreciate bullshit music and half-ass lyrics? I believe so. Half the song's sound inaudible, the musicians are all half-naked, and there is always some blatant if not subliminal agenda pushing of sexual innuendos. I will piggy back on what comedian Steve Harvey once said "Today's music is too straight-forward, back in the day, ARTISTS used to romance you, make you feel all tingly inside and then come with the heat now it's a different story. Now it's, "Girl you looks good wantcha back that ass up!" No more turn off the lights, if you're not outright talking about your plans, YOU AIN'T SELLING NO GODDAMN RECORDS!!!" I love him for his honesty, he speaks truthfully. No one is selling artistry, they are selling sex and the world is eating it up by the ton. Now, I would love to sell the fairy story about how I never "drop it like its hot," but I know the difference in the dance and the way you present yourself to the world. I look at some of my young friends and family and I pray that they know the difference between the words in the song and the way they live their lives. I pray that it's not their intention to show themselves full of angst, aggression, and hyper-sexuality. I pray they have enough disciple and general sense of reality to know who they are and not be defined or allow themselves to be so closely associated with these words. The music today does not give them many options beyond highly sexualized, impulsive, and erratic actions and behaviors. For a dose of sexy and sophisticated, I suggest they tune into the smooth, sultry, and equally enchanting sounds of Ms. Anita Baker. Or if you're looking for melodic hip-hop lyrics with some genuine meaning I suggest all of Mr. Common's cds or even a Tribe Called Quest album. You ask a 16 nowadays who a Tribe Called Quest is and you will have this minds totally baffled and lost. But the kids of today would not be so stimulated by these artists, they are far to deep for the shallow ears of today's hypnotized society to appreciate.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I think that every person should set strict guidelines and goals for themselves so that they can master the gentile art of disciple. Disciple is a science still in its infancy and constantly being researched. I have so much on my plate. This will only add even more intrigue to this slow simmering novel I am currently constructing. I went to my adviser at ASU and spoke with her rather intricately about all the details of the Creative Writing program at ASU. I was so delighted to hear all the amazing information. I get to investigate more literature than I already have, continue to write my own poetry, and greatly improve all my skills so that I am the most complete writer possible. I used to kick myself so hard for not going to a four year university straight out of high school but, now I'm more grateful for my decision to go to my acting conservatory and hone my skills. I have a vast wealth of knowledge in the world of arts. Those experiences in Los Angeles have truly shaped me as an adult. I see the world and all its dimensions. I am not so sure that I could say that had I decided to go straight to college and not immerse myself in my passion I would be this worldly, intelligent individual I am today. I am far more focused, bound, and determined to be a success. I did not have those passions at 18. You see when I was 18, I was running from so much; disappointment, shame, and mostly myself. I had done some unthinkable things, made some life-altering mistakes, and inevitably switched paths. I used to believe that if I could wipe out all that had occurred after 17, I would be the happiest person alive but, now I am not so sure. I was so green and naive before 18. I could have fallen victim to far more mischief and trouble had I not decided to open my eyes. Now that those sparkling brown eyes are open nothing and no one will ever close them again. I can clearly see that God is perfect and all of the things that occur in our life are preordained and created to occur for a particular reason. I am not entirely sure why but, eventually it will be revealed to me. I just hope I'm ready for the revelation when it comes.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
So, I had a blast last night! I went to karaoke and really let my hair down. I was up to sing Mariah Carey's "Fantasy" from the Daydream album but, time did not permit. I will have to reprise my throne as karaoke queen next Tuesday. It was exciting and exactly what I needed! A personal thank you to my E-Works co-workers for being able to let go and indulge yourselves a little. A common belief is that you shouldn't indulge yourself, indulgence is not a healthy lifestyle choice. I totally disagree. Every now and again, its nice to take yourself out to movie, buy a new pair of shoes, or even enjoy a fabulous, even pricey meal. These elements make the daily hustle and bustle of everyday life (which is often stressful) pretty relaxing. So far this week, I have indulged myself a lil too much. Two pricey meals, hanging out everyday, and I am booked up through the weekend for hangouts. I am still focused folks, no need to worry. I am committed to finishing this blog daily and receiving all the positive responses, suggestions, and comments from all who are reading. SO keep em coming folks!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
So I am currently reading two new books (gotta love the library), "What is this thing called Love" by Gene Wilder and "The Gospel According to Coco Chanel" by Karen Karbo. So far, I'm in utter bliss. Great reads. They have further inspired me to write a miraculous work of art! I have made a decision on the route I am taking for the topic, theme, and direction of the book. I hope the first rough copy will be completed after this year. So much is going on in my life right now: three new little babies are coming into my life (one of them is my godson), starting the rest of my education with college, completing a goal of mine, my book, and hopefully reaching my own personal version of nirvana. You see, I am a firm believer that as a person you can have it all. I want the success, my own career, financial freedom, and wonderful man to share in this incredible journey called life. I believe we as a people are always made to choose, one or the other. I CHOOSE not to CHOOSE, I want it all! I believe I can be the renaissance woman and ignite a fire in others to do the same. Some say it's hoping for too much, I say if you never reach for the stars, how are you going to soar to extraordinary feats and be an OUT OF THIS WORLD individual?
Monday, August 2, 2010
So as I am on a mission for a solid topic for my baby, my book and I have come to a few serious conclusions for the title and the topic. I have so many situations going on in my life at the moment. Pregnancies, family issues, financial conundrums, self-reflections, and maintaining confidence towards my future. Here are some strong contenders for topics:
- A self esteem guide for young women. I believe that women have, always will be, and currently are the future of our world! Self- esteem is vital
- A guide for a safe, positive, and successful experience as a woman maintaining in a major city. I would deem this guide, CITY GIRLS!
- A love story about a wild woman who refuses to settle down, UNTIL, a big change makes her take a long hard look at her life and make some much needed changes.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
I need a real theme, concept, and topic for my book. I have so many many things I would like to accomplish and independently completing a work of literature is one of them. I believe I have always been afraid of what would happen if I tried hard at something and it failed. I guess the coward in me didn't want to admit failure stinks and I am not a good loser. Thankfully, I have been blessed with an undeniable sense of reliance. I have matured to accept the things that I cannot change and pray for the things I want to fix. One thing I am most passionate about is confidence. So many of us lack confidence, especially women. No one can instill it but, us. We look to magazines, movies, media, and worst of all people! ENOUGH! I want to bridge that gap. I want to open the realm of possibilities that a woman/man has in this world has. A bold aspiration I know, but you gotta reach for the stars! If anyone has a firm but, regal book topic suggestion please drop me a line and let me know.....I am in "writers block hell!"