Sunday, September 25, 2011
Every time I have an epiphany, I question my actions and behavior. Where did this all start? How did I get here? What can I do to fix this feeling if it is not a good one? Etc, etc. One thing that always happens is my heart beats rapidly, almost like it will burst out of my chest. I cannot handle this feeling at that moment, I drop to my knees and ask God to guide me because I am clearly lost. I have been having many epiphanies lately. I am not sure if this is a good thing, but I will assume it isn't a bad thing. I have learned a lot this week. I have learned that sometimes the better person gets the job/position, money isn't going to make itself, men ARE all the same, and YOU are the only one you can blame for YOUR failures. We all have imminent control over our lives, so anyone or thing that threatens that existence, it is up to us to expell them from our lives. I have grappled with a tough decision and after much heartbreak and pain, I have to end one relationship in my life. I am deeply saddened by this decision because I never saw it coming, but maybe it was fate. I am not sure, but I deserve to be happy too. If an epiphany and heartbeats make me rethink my actions in the future and make better decisions, I WILL GLADLY TAKE ONE EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK!
Monday, September 19, 2011
I have this thought lingering in my head lately. I really want to reach for the stars, but I am afraid that I might not get there, so I back off. I stay neutral and push my dreams to the back burner. Now, I realize that I am getting old. It is time to conquer these dreams. I am going to become a STAND UP COMEDIENNE! WISH ME LUCK!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
It's wedding season and love is in the air. The smell is spellbinding. It is damn near intoxicating. I used to think a man asks a woman to marry him, gives her a ring, a girl buys a dress, and married they become. Unfortunately, I was completely wrong. A wedding is something of a completely different magnitude! There is the venue, limos, dresses, food, music, and so much more. I realized how much goes into a wedding upon planning my own. I caught the bouquet at my friend's wedding yesterday. I did playfully threaten her that if i didn't get the bouquet, she'd be in trouble, but in actuality, the novelty of a wedding has incompassed my thoughts. I planned my fictious wedding most of today. I figured out everything from venues, catering, music, and honeymoon packages. I have completely relinquished all thoughts of the love, honor, and obey and traded it in for shoes, Vera Wang, and Caribbean honeymoon cruises. Though I jokingly make comments about a lavish THREE weddings, I really only want ONE. I also want to be madly in love and feel breathless whenever my husband is near. I am blessed to still be in the beginning stages of a possible wedding because I am not married or engaged. I have time to really delve into this love thing and plan for a LIFETIME of happiness, not just a few years. The sad part about my realization is that so many women out there are revelling over this thing called a wedding and not realizing the severity of a decision of that magnitude. Even if you divorce and move on, you have a new title, DIVORCEE. So, to avoid titles or removal of titles, one had better marry for love and forever. Divorces are expensive, painful, and disheartening. As I watched gayly while my friend said her vows to her life partner, I shed a tear. I cried for many reasons, but the main reason was because love and matrimony is something I have wanted since I was four years old. I used to tell my mother I wanted 3 weddings and each one of them had me in princess adornment with delicious food and love everywhere. Now, at 24, I want one long-lasting, sacred love that will be with me until the end of my days. A man and a woman separately can be just fine, but in my personal opinion, THEY ARE SPECTACULAR TOGETHER. Besides, what is better than SPECTACULAR? Not much.
Monday, September 5, 2011
I never have to wonder what a living legend looks like because I saw one in concert on Friday, September 2nd. God blessed me with the opportunity and chance to see the most mesmerizing band in concert. Granted I am very young, perhaps too young to appreciate said band, regardless I love them still. I remember sneaking and watching all the sex scenes my mother desperately tried to keep from me as a kid within the movie Indecent Proposal. There was a scene where Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore are making love over a bed full of hundreds from their wins at the casino. This song lingers throughout the entire scene and I am instantly entranced. I am listening intently, but cannot make out who the artist is, unfortunately it was too late, the Sade bug bit me. I searched high and low for the name of the band. I stumbled upon my mom's Love Deluxe CD, their 4th LP. I took the CD in my room and play it until the words fell off. I WAS OBSESSED THEN AND I STILL AM! That is the single most talented, well-rounded, and unique band I have ever seen in my short, 24 years of life. They, along with John Legend put the modern and microwaveable music of today to shame on Friday. And the front-woman, Ms. Sade Adu herself, is ageless, timeless, and an effortless beauty of indescribable measures. She is so poised, so classy, and breathtaking spontaneously. Even if I never see another concert in my life, I can die a happy woman because I saw my favorite group, songstress, and idols in rare form. I just hope I can save up enough money to have them sing at my wedding. Thank you Sade and John Legend for being who you say you are, living legends.