Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Oldies, but Goodies!

There will never in a million years be another film like Disney's Beauty and the Beast! A tale as old as time, a song as old as rhyme, this movie GETS ME EVERYTIME! I have probably watched this it a bajillion times and have never gotten through the entire movie without crying. A gorgeous but, quirky only daughter of a eccentric, French inventor meets her Prince charming after years of boredom in a small, provincial town. An unconventional love story, but a beautiful one nonetheless! I know all the lyrics, scenes, and costumes by heart! The saddest part of your youth (each individual) is that you have to look back and wonder "WHY CAN'T DISNEY MAKE MORE CLASSIC FILMS LIKE THIS?" I mean you have Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, I could go on forever! I feel for the children of the Millennium with their Spy Kids, Wall-E's, and Madagascar's, fore they will never truly experience the wonderment, magic, and beauty of Disney's greatest film moments. Thankfully, DVD/Blue-Ray combo packages offer up quite a variety of Disney classics that will instantly transfer them back to 1954, 1970, 1988, or 1991. I was so saddened by VHS, Beauty and the Beastless lifestyle, that my 25 year old, grown ass ran out to the nearest Wal-Mart at 1:33 am to grab the 3 disk, Blue-Ray combo pack with special behind the scenes footage and of course, the feature film. It was one of the best purchases I have made all year! Now, I can have a lil bit of my former, 5 year old, 90's self in 2011 and right through 2012! This new year is looking better than ever!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Patience is a Virtue

Recently, I have been canoodling with a man that is as complicated as he is attractive. We argue but, have some of the most passionate discussions ever. I love it and hate it at the same time. Needless to say, I have such a splendid with him and for that I am thankful! Now, our greatest debate recently has been over timelines. Timelines in the sense of marriage, relationships, titles, and so much more. Mainly, the title changing from just dating to BOYFRIEND and GIRLFRIEND. His stance is that the only thing that matters is the love, attraction, and the connection shared between the two people. I for one, totally agree, those things are vital, but I do believe you should not rush. I have rushed through tests (never got a grade higher than a B minus), rushed through studying (never remembered ANYTHING), and rushed though dating before (hence why I am currently single). I think there is something special in knowing that the patience you possess can allow you to delve even further into the individual you're cruising. Besides, I never absorbed anything from the things I rushed doing such as studying, tests I rushed taking, or the people I rushed to date. When I was bigger (weight wise), I ate everything so fast because food did not hold significance in my life anymore. I got fat, wasted money, and I DIDN'T EVEN ENJOY THE FOOD! Now that I have lost weight, I have gained a new appreciation for food. I savor every single bite. In turn, I appreciate the content, preparation, and the nutrients. I feel the same rules should apply to relationships and dating. The more time spent, the more your mouth waters for it, you crave it, and hopefully appreciate it more than anything you have ever possessed. The thing is that when you find that certain food, person, or amazing item you enjoy so much taking the time to observe it, feel it, and enjoy only makes your heart grow fonder. SO CHEERS TO ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR YET UNATTAINABLE VIRTUES, PATIENCE! What would life be without it? RUSHED AND BORING!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Big Nickel

25 is said to be one of the most exciting birthdays ever! A quarter of a century old and yet still so young! I love this age because you are finally not too old, yet not too young at the same time. It is quite exhilarating! This year has been one of many highs and MAJOR lows. Deaths, health scares, money discrepancies, and so much more but, I would not trade it for anything in the world because for the first time in my life, I am completely on track to where I need to be. I anticipate that despite lows, 25 is the beginning of true greatness. I can never say I do not know how to behave, what to want, where I have been, hell even where I am going. All I can ask God is how high? How high can you take me because I truly want to reach the TIP TOP! Thank you 25, just the breath of fresh air I needed!

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Relationship Visa: don't overstay on it!

I got invited to view a free screening of a new film coming out called Like Crazy last night. It was quite a movie to say the least. A cute college couple meet an untimely change in their relationship when the girl is deported for overstaying her visa. This throws them into an unwanted international relationship where they must write, text, call, and do everything but, physically be together. This relationship and movie got me thinking about my future and past. I have had my share of long distance relationships (more than I ever wanted) and I have to say, CALLING IT TOUGH IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT! It is simply put, torture. Never being near that person, no date nights, and feeling lonely all the time are just some of the things you experience. My last major long distance relationship was to result in marriage, but never got there. We could not shake the troubles of our own personal lives to progress to that next level of "til death do us part." I still have not completely gotten over my failed marriage to be. Maybe I never will and this movie reminds me so much of my relationship because they kept going through these incredible bouts of emotional tug of war. When they are together they are happy, a part they are miserable, they date new people and still aren't happy and so much more. The relationship finally comes full circle at the end, but it is too late. They have both overstayed their relationship visas and are now out of love and in an intense gray area of confusion. It is so sad to see love get to this place, but like the movie, such is life. I don't know if I have seen too many happy endings but, I left disappointed. I, being a girl, wanted their marriage and love to be the greatest of all time and reality saw different. I was sad, but I guess I will get over it and maybe even understand it, like in my own life, hopefully.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sarah Mclachlan-Train Wreck

Heartbeats and Heartbreaks

Every time I have an epiphany, I question my actions and behavior. Where did this all start? How did I get here? What can I do to fix this feeling if it is not a good one? Etc, etc. One thing that always happens is my heart beats rapidly, almost like it will burst out of my chest. I cannot handle this feeling at that moment, I drop to my knees and ask God to guide me because I am clearly lost. I have been having many epiphanies lately. I am not sure if this is a good thing, but I will assume it isn't a bad thing. I have learned a lot this week. I have learned that sometimes the better person gets the job/position, money isn't going to make itself, men ARE all the same, and YOU are the only one you can blame for YOUR failures. We all have imminent control over our lives, so anyone or thing that threatens that existence, it is up to us to expell them from our lives. I have grappled with a tough decision and after much heartbreak and pain, I have to end one relationship in my life. I am deeply saddened by this decision because I never saw it coming, but maybe it was fate. I am not sure, but I deserve to be happy too. If an epiphany and heartbeats make me rethink my actions in the future and make better decisions, I WILL GLADLY TAKE ONE EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Such a f**kin lady!

I have this thought lingering in my head lately. I really want to reach for the stars, but I am afraid that I might not get there, so I back off. I stay neutral and push my dreams to the back burner. Now, I realize that I am getting old. It is time to conquer these dreams. I am going to become a STAND UP COMEDIENNE! WISH ME LUCK!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Jumping the Broom

It's wedding season and love is in the air. The smell is spellbinding. It is damn near intoxicating. I used to think a man asks a woman to marry him, gives her a ring, a girl buys a dress, and married they become. Unfortunately, I was completely wrong. A wedding is something of a completely different magnitude! There is the venue, limos, dresses, food, music, and so much more. I realized how much goes into a wedding upon planning my own. I caught the bouquet at my friend's wedding yesterday. I did playfully threaten her that if i didn't get the bouquet, she'd be in trouble, but in actuality, the novelty of a wedding has incompassed my thoughts. I planned my fictious wedding most of today. I figured out everything from venues, catering, music, and honeymoon packages. I have completely relinquished all thoughts of the love, honor, and obey and traded it in for shoes, Vera Wang, and Caribbean honeymoon cruises. Though I jokingly make comments about a lavish THREE weddings, I really only want ONE. I also want to be madly in love and feel breathless whenever my husband is near. I am blessed to still be in the beginning stages of a possible wedding because I am not married or engaged. I have time to really delve into this love thing and plan for a LIFETIME of happiness, not just a few years. The sad part about my realization is that so many women out there are revelling over this thing called a wedding and not realizing the severity of a decision of that magnitude. Even if you divorce and move on, you have a new title, DIVORCEE. So, to avoid titles or removal of titles, one had better marry for love and forever. Divorces are expensive, painful, and disheartening. As I watched gayly while my friend said her vows to her life partner, I shed a tear. I cried for many reasons, but the main reason was because love and matrimony is something I have wanted since I was four years old. I used to tell my mother I wanted 3 weddings and each one of them had me in princess adornment with delicious food and love everywhere. Now, at 24, I want one long-lasting, sacred love that will be with me until the end of my days. A man and a woman separately can be just fine, but in my personal opinion, THEY ARE SPECTACULAR TOGETHER. Besides, what is better than SPECTACULAR? Not much.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Living Legends

I never have to wonder what a living legend looks like because I saw one in concert on Friday, September 2nd. God blessed me with the opportunity and chance to see the most mesmerizing band in concert. Granted I am very young, perhaps too young to appreciate said band, regardless I love them still. I remember sneaking and watching all the sex scenes my mother desperately tried to keep from me as a kid within the movie Indecent Proposal. There was a scene where Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore are making love over a bed full of hundreds from their wins at the casino. This song lingers throughout the entire scene and I am instantly entranced. I am listening intently, but cannot make out who the artist is, unfortunately it was too late, the Sade bug bit me. I searched high and low for the name of the band. I stumbled upon my mom's Love Deluxe CD, their 4th LP. I took the CD in my room and play it until the words fell off. I WAS OBSESSED THEN AND I STILL AM! That is the single most talented, well-rounded, and unique band I have ever seen in my short, 24 years of life. They, along with John Legend put the modern and microwaveable music of today to shame on Friday. And the front-woman, Ms. Sade Adu herself, is ageless, timeless, and an effortless beauty of indescribable measures. She is so poised, so classy, and breathtaking spontaneously. Even if I never see another concert in my life, I can die a happy woman because I saw my favorite group, songstress, and idols in rare form. I just hope I can save up enough money to have them sing at my wedding. Thank you Sade and John Legend for being who you say you are, living legends.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

How to Love

I think every young girl envisions what they will be like when they are older. Some of us wanted a house with a white pickett fence, a puppy, and a nice husband. Others wanted to be a Rocket Scientist , cure world hunger, and win a Nobel Peace Prize. Yes, the two realities are completely different, but somewhere out there, there is a girl who would be sublimely happy with either result. Then there's love. Love is a bit stickier. I don't know many young girls who imagined what love would be like, but I believe many of us girls envisioned our version of love. My personal version was one filled with smiles, hugs, and kisses. A man sends me love letters, flowers, and holds onto to my hand for dear life. A man who tells you that your beauty is infinite, unmeasurable, and breathtaking. This love would be unbreakable and impenetrable and ultimately unbreakable. Little did I know, love is not a fairytale and it rarely works out like the fables I loved so much as a kid. Love is confusing, scary, and life altering. It is shocking to see how vast the differences are from a pleasant love and a destructive one. Most of my loves have been the destructive kind. I attached myself to men who presented character, intellect, and warmth up front, but were far from those things in reality. I allowed myself to go down the rabbit hole, so far down that it would take a never ending rope to get me out. If I knew what I know now, then, I would be a much happier person because the love I wanted was there all along, but I fought and fought until I ran my love away. The love played with other dalliances, but truthfully wanted me all along. I ran to my temporary infatuations and none of them were successful. After a while, I realized I didn't know love, so how could I know how to love? A question at nearly 25, I have come to understand. My standards on dating dictated who I allowed myself to love. If you didn't have these goals or plans, or this future WE COULDN'T POSSIBLY DATE because I was going places. I looked down on perfect loves filled with romance, moral support, kindness, and generosity for flashy, expensive, and cocky love. At the ripe age of 24, I realize, LOVE SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD! Sometimes God sends you prophets and we as mere humans ignore the messages. My sister told me something so incredible tonight. She said, "Oriel, you have romanticized love so much, that you couldn't recognize it if it were staring you right in the face. Get out of it and let God guide. You are not in control, he is. Let go and let God." Words to live by. I can't get them out of my head. I need clarity to accept that though I am no longer a 19 year nitwit, I am still shaky about what to expect and accept when it comes to love, so I going to go completely with God. I pray he leads to the happy, peaceful, and kind love I never knew existed because I would be eternally happy to finally know what REAL LOVE feels like.

Monday, August 22, 2011

I Love a Rollercoaster.

Something about the up and down of a roller coaster that makes me giddy. I don't know if it is the huge dips, gusts of wind, or the curves that often take my breath away. Regardless of the reason, I love a roller coaster. I believe the main reason I love it is because it always goes forward and never backwards. It moves closer and closer to the end and then gets a new group of people and keep chugging along. There is some peace in knowing something as trivial as a roller coaster can do that. This time last year, I would have said the following: "I am marrying Jimmy George Samaras, moving to NYC, and going to lead a happy, rich, and balanced life." It is amazing how much you change in a year. A year can bring such clarity, such an invocation of knowledge and pleasure that it will leave you shocked at your previous comments because you change so much constantly. The woman I am today, could never be the woman I was last year, otherwise I am not moving forward with my life, I am staying complacent. I HATE STAYING COMPLACENT! So, I don't. Something that once seemed like the world to me, revealed itself to be the exact opposite. Now, I am happier than ever because I am up and moving forward to the next best thing in my life. I am not certain what that is, but I am excited nonetheless. I went to a wedding yesterday and I had a thought, "These people have known each other for nearly a decade and they are marrying today, it is rare for people to wait, but I am happy that they did." The wedding inspired me to be certain of my future actions. I wasn't always so careful in the past, but I vow to never exhibit careless behavior again. I will let nothing throw me off my roller coaster because I simply must move forward, move on, and move into my destiny.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


I have come across many people in my life; being the child of a Navy father is not easy. It takes consistent dedication and persistence to form the kind of personality that prepares you for the many walks of life you may meet. Upon my journey in travel, I stopped in Phoenix, AZ. for a bit. While I was there, I met some pretty cool people. I met two particular ladies who managed to stay distantly dear to my heart for many years. After several capricious run ins, I DEMANDED WE RECONNECT! Much to my delight they agreed and just like that, it was 2000 again. We met this past weekend for Happy Hour and got very well reacquainted, it felt terrific! All these nostalgic feelings of youth, laughs, and being a preteen rushed over me. I remember the days of holiday oriented braces, shocking hair transformations, and Saturday Centennial Dances in the 7th grade. All of my friends were very good kids, so there was no grinding or dirty dancing, just a circle of girls breaking it down to Backstreet, NSYNC, Britney Spears, Vitamin C, Spice Girls, Puff Daddy (when he was still Puff Daddy), and of course NELLY (My personal fav)! I even found a picture we took at Jungle Jim's on our last day of 8th grade in my closet. I knew I was going to a new high school and would be meeting new friends and things would never be the same between us (my past Navy life flashing before me). Though I was sad, I am happy at 24, we can sit down and catch up over cocktails and Asian cuisine! I am currently loving this wave of positivity in my life, I pray it never ends. Though I tend to never look back, looking back on all the memories I shared with these girls, warms my heart! GOSH, SOMETIMES I MISS BEING A KID!

Monday, July 25, 2011


Though, I am a Christian, I am a firm believer in signs, particularly signs that come in threes. My mind has been a complete jumble with all the things going on; Summer school, Fall semester starting, and plenty of personal dramas. I have been possessed by my Travel Writing class, so much to the point of almost changing my major to Journalism with an emphasis on Travel Writing. I know, it sounds excessive, but that is just how much I adore this class. Then, I had a thought, what is the core reason I love this class? Aww haa, BECAUSE I LOVE TRAVEL! My first sign came from a good friend's blog. She dedicated her entry to the one year anniversary of how European Backpacking trip. Her trip was wonderful and it made me think of my glorious European Backpacking trip! I knew it was time to return to Europe or anywhere I haven't been yet. My second sign came from the amazing description of Bali, Indonesia that Rita Gelman provided in the book I was reading for class. Bali was described as a magical, enchanting country with warm people and delicious food. This immediately made me think of the movie Eat, Pray, Love and then I decided to watch it. I FELL IN LOVE! The movie was incredible and glorious in every way. Bali was so beautiful, I just knew I had to go there and see for myself! Sign number three was a little bizarre. I was at my last day of my weight loss boot camp. I was waiting for the printout of my after pictures to go along with my before photos. As I waited, I saw a magazine on the table, National Geographic. I normally shy away from the magazine because I find it to be exploitative and too graphic. Well, this time was different. The magazine's title was "100 of the World's Most Fascinating Places You Must See Before You Die", I immediately opened it and read it! It was surreal! All the breathtaking places in South America, the wondrous art oriented lands of Europe, and the magical ancient areas of Asia had me hooked. That was the last sign, I knew it was time for me to continue with my travels. I have mapped out a list of places I want to go from order according to geography. I plan to start my journeys the summer of 2012 with Lisbon, Portugal being my first country and city. I will then trek through Italy, Malta, Greece, Austria, Croatia, and eventually make my way to Japan. Before the trip of 2012, I will take small, local trips. First, I'm heading to Belize for a little grown n sexy, newly 25 birthday fun. And from then on, I will make it a point to travel to places I have never been no matter near or far. I will be going to Canada, Mexico, and several US. cities. I have no children, husband, or other moral obligations; I OWE IT TO MYSELF TO HAVE ALL THESE INCREDIBLE JOURNEYS BEFORE I AM MOM AND WIFE! I know theses trip will cost, but the experience will be utterly priceless. I cannot wait to embark on theses new journeys and document the experiences. Now, I just hope my next signs will be an indication of the money I will be receiving to finance these glorious trips!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Let's do the Time Warp!

So many people would jump at the opportunity to fast-forward the past and get to the present. They don't mind missing the middle to get to the end. Thankfully, I am not one of those people. I adore the past because it reminds me of so many wonderful memories. And I don't regret my past, I may regret some of the things I did, some of the people I spent it with, but never the entire past. It made me who I am today, so I relish it always. I recently saw Midnight in Paris with my aunt and a friend. Now, normally I am completely anti-Woody Allen (I can't get pass the whole, married adopted daughter thing), but this movie completely won me over! I was pleasantly surprised to see that this movie carefully and cleverly combined the beauty of art and literary titans like Ernest Hemingway, Picasso, and Gertrude Stein. The writing, dialogue, and prose of the movie was sensational and the historical value was especially cool. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. I am also happy that I could stomach watching Owen Wilson on screen (he usually bores me and makes me gag). This movie also reminded me of one of my favorite travel excursions to Paris four years ago. I did not have nearly enough time to truly enjoy Paris for the wondrous city is it, but I vow to go back and live each day there like its' my last. Watching the movie also inspired my current writing assignments in my Travel Writing class. This class is so cool because it forces me to remember some of my best experiences traveling all over the world. This makes me happy because I am happiest when I am traveling. Summer is almost over and I have been in school for a year and 7 months, so it is time for a trip. Though it is not international, next trip is to L.A. for a little R & R. I can't wait to soak up some delicious sun with a side of cool summer beach breezes!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

With Heavy Hearts, We Give You Back.

             "Though tomorrow is never promised, one should never stop thinking about their future."
-Frankie Gaines

I have already discussed how wise my grandmothers are, so this quote is just one of the many pearls of wisdom that my elders have spared me. I love how something as minuscule as a quote like the above can give such insight into your life. This week has been bumpy one, you know, a roller coaster that constantly throws you off. I have been optimistic, but ultimately confused. I guess the appropriate phrase is... I am in limbo. My great uncle passed away yesterday. I thought the death was one thing, but the aftermath was even more paralyzing. My grandma is rock solid and it takes something as awful as death to see her break. Well, the death of her little brother did it for her. I am a woman, I am emotional, I have a strict no crying in front of me policy; when you cry, I cry. That is exactly what I did. I thought it would bring some small sense of relief or some solace, but it only brought confusion. At first, I thought I was crying because he was gone (which I was), but after I wiped my tears, I assessed what really sent me over the edge. I was crying because I was thinking...thinking about all he had accomplished, all he was leaving behind, and what we were going to do with him gone. It was a crushing moment to take in. See, you only get one life, but no one tells you how to live it, how to right your wrongs, make good decisions, how to treat others, and how to behave. It has to come from life experiences and your interactions within your environment. He was an apostle, god-fearing man, husband, father, friend, brother, and so much more. What is amazing to me is how we can summarize someone's life within an obituary. I mean, the man was 54, I don't think you can appropriately summarize 54. He has done, seen, and endured so much. The experience is immeasurable. But, it is nice to know people care enough to allow others a mere glimpse into his spirit. My confusion is also fueled by my blessings. I have been blessed to thus far, not have lost many people close to me. All of sudden my great-grandma dies, my best friend's father dies, and now my uncle. Death will forever be a confusing and frustrating thing for me to understand, so it is an especially sensitive subject. But, one thing keeps looming in my head; what will people say at my funeral? Will I have kids to speak proudly of their love for their mother? Will I die before my parents or will they be there to write possibly the longest, most emotional obituary in history? Will I have a husband to sit in the front and pay his last respects? I have no idea what the answers are to any of these questions. What I do know is to make my life count every moment of every second. I should be seen and heard and speak louder when someone is trying to muffle my voice. I loved my uncle, but I am happy he is no longer in pain. I am on my way to pay my respects at his funeral. Though the occasion is not a happy one, I love going home because it brings back so many wonderful memories. I love seeing the faces of familiar people, the smell of southern cooking, and hugging my grand parents. All those things make it worth it, but the funeral will be difficult to stomach. Dear God, please bless this journey and guide us as we are all your children. Amen.

Monday, June 13, 2011

What's New?

Though it has been a month and some change, I have missed blogging. So, I am back for the summer! Wow, what a semester. ASU has been "an experience", but more importantly, the beginning of a journey, therefore I am excited. Something has been plaguing me for a while now. The unrequited love in my life is currently overwhelming. Why is it always the guy I am not totally wanting, that serves me all the attention and adoration I could ever want? I spend all my time chasing that pipe dream of a man who has the looks, money, attitude, and personality, but always fall short. I have figured out why; a good man is hard to find, but shitty ones comes a dime a dozen. Plus, women tend to like a lil excitement. A chase can be thrilling, but when the chase is over, just like in a movie, someone is in trouble. Hopefully, it's not you. Well, me in this case. I had the craziest weekend since my 21st birthday this past weekend. I went to a pool party my sister's friend hosted. It was fantastic & eye-opening all at the same time. The city I live in is large, area wise, but circumference wise, it's tiny. And people wise, it's even smaller. I saw too many guys who coulda, woulda, shoulda be "real" beaus, but for some reason they weren't. Maybe it was fate. Who knows? All I know is my weight loss bootcamp is sensational! I have lost 24 lbs. and I feel amazing. I am working on 15 more lbs, but so, far the results are amazing. All n all, this summer has been decent. Summer school is kind of kicking my butt, but I refuse to give up. I using all my fatless energy to gain my momentum towards my initial goal, MY BOOK! Coming soon to a bookstore near you!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

God Bless America

So much has happened over the last couple of weeks. One huge thing in particular has happened that had me questioning my feelings. Sunday, May 1st, Osama Bin Laden was captured, killed, and buried. The U.S. military, special agents, and President Barack Obama contributed to his capture. The news was not nearly as amazing as the reactions around the world. Osama was definitely not a fan favorite of Americans, but people were dancing in the streets, singing gospel hymns, and doing back-flips on the White House lawn. I could not believe my eyes. I will never rejoice and celebrate in the death of another man. I do feel his death makes many Americans feel more assured, content, and secure in theirs futures, but what does his death really mean? Will it stop terrorism? Will it end wars between America and other Middle East countries? Will it continue to divide religions and constantly pit Christians against Muslims? I do not have the answers to these questions and I do not believe most people do either. All I know is that his death, after ten years of being pursued, is huge because of the steps taken to achieve. Obama and his team of women and men did what Bush couldn't do in 8 years, in 2 and a half. For that, I am very proud. I was never a fan or supporter of Bush. I love Obama for all the reasons I hate Bush. He is doing what he said he was going to do during his campaign, he appears to care about all people not just the rich, and he is an eloquent dedicated speaker of the house. For those reasons alone, I am content with the death of Osama, not because of his death, but because it happened on Obama's watch. Now, maybe, just maybe, they will learn to respect our president.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Can't Miss What Ya Neva Had!

When I was little, all I wanted was to be Free. When I got Freedom, all I wanted was someone


share it with. When I thought I found someone to share it with, all I wanted was a man to


Freedom. When I thought I found the man to embrace it, I needed a close friend to


it. When I got that best friend, I thought I needed someone else to help increase my

When I found that person, I thought I needed personal space to express my
Freedom. When I


that personal space, I realized what Freedom truly is; the ability to make healthy, sometimes

questionable, personal decisions & choices for yourself without aid from outsiders. Now I have

my freedom, but now,

I am

Monday, March 14, 2011

Down to the Water

So many thoughts stirring in my head. The recent Tsunami in Japan has gripped my soul for the moment. It is no surprise, that one cannot hide from mother nature, but you can certainly hope when she arrives she has mercy on the souls unsuspecting civilians. I personally pray for those who are suffering and in distress. I pray for their serenity and safety from the massive devastation of the tsunami. Through the storm comes peace, solitude, and happiness. I have been in Portland, OR visiting my cousin for Spring break. To be completely honest, I am having the time of my life. I have learned so much about myself in the last couple of days just from watching her. She is so intelligent, witty, and fiercely independent! I love that! I only want to immerse myself around like-minded people so, this is a fantastic break from the crazy reality I sometimes face elsewhere. I only wish I had the vision of living a "practical" life. Everything I dream about is a 1 in a million career-path. I want a legendary theatrical career with all the perks of being respected, but refuse to disrespect myself in order to achieve. How does that work? In Hollywood, it is rare and one does not exist without the other. I am not sure. I am currently praying for God to show me because I am lost for meaning. Where am I meant to be? I do not feel I am meant to be in AZ beyond graduation, but who knows where? Only the divine does. Lord, I am leaving all these thoughts in your hands. I will no longer wonder, I will walk behind your footsteps because you have never led me down a dangerous path. You have always protected me through the best of times & worst of times. Amen.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


The times are certainly changing regarding relationships in the world. Women are rising in many arenas such as careers and financial independence. So, why is it that a strong powerful woman with money, education, a career, and minimal baggage are single at ALARMING RATES?!!! Because the modern day American man is not ready for evolution. Evolution is inevitable. Not so much as 50 years ago women were not power players in the work force, they had many glass ceiling issues, and were discouraged from attending college (in fact some schools refused admittance to women). Times have certainly changed. According to the ever so illusive and popular statistics; women are making more money than men in larger numbers, more women attend college, more women graduate college, and women across all school levels have higher grade point averages. So, what's the deal? I'll tell you what I believe is the issue, American men are complacent and stuck in the past. They are terrified of evolution. The world for centuries has been their playground. They have always had the opportunity to have the best jobs, make the most money, and live life on their terms. Unfortunately, as women surpass men in many areas, their lagging finally puts a huge rift in the world of heterosexual relationships. Men who have disposable incomes, with a great careers, money, and freedom DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO SETTLE DOWN. They feel free and exhibit that in every way. They play the field and feel no need to commit, so where does that leave women, LARGELY SINGLE! The divorce rate is through the roof as well, so where is the balance??!! From experience I have seen the entire reality of the situation. I have dated the man who came from a good stock, had a little change in his pocket, looked half-way decent, and felt like he owned the world. The relationship went no where fast. A single man with a solid career, financial comfort, and limited baggage is a catch. A great-looking, single woman with an excellent career, a ivy league degree, and great morals is tragic! Evolution is near and if the men of the world don't shape up, they will be even more left in the dust. I pray that their revelations happen soon, single is only cute for so long.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

"A Mid-life Lesson"

Today was a particular overwhelming day. I got up at an appropriate hour to be in class by 9:40 a.m. As luck would have it, the devil is always lurking in the wings. He devised an evil plot to make me tardy, he succeeded. I was 8 minutes late to Critical Lit! I was irrecoverably pissed! I always aim for promptness regarding my scholastic endeavors, so this was a major wrinkle in my plans. This pretty much set the tone for my day, RUSHING, RUSHING, & MORE RUSHING! It is definitely a formula for a splitting headache. This is where this week's life lesson came in handy. In the midst of my consistent rushing, I forgot to leave certain items & keep others. Needless to say, this sparked the interest of my dad who decided to indulge me in a little "mature adult, mid-life lesson." I felt utterly guilty, so I obliged him. He said, "organization is key in the life, we wish to lead." At first, I was prepared to completely ignore as I do anyone who is repeating superfluous information, this time I actually listened. And for the first time, I humbled myself to admit, he was right. I had spent my whole week procrastinating, forgetting vital details, & rushing to meet deadlines. I have spent extra gas, money, & time doing things over when I could have done them the right the first time. This set me into action. I have made a list of all the things I want to accomplish this week. Rather than merely fantasizing about what I "might get around to doing," I need to start doing them. Hell, tell myself all day, this list is my lifeline, LET'S MAKE EVERYTHING ON IT HAPPEN! So, the first incredibly simple piece of lethal advice I received from my nearly geriatric pa (jk) is to be organized, in his slightly judgmental voice " No man wants a messy woman." Eye, eye captain!

5 Fingers, This One's for YOU!

Sometimes all it takes is a simple mistake, to whip you into reality.

You don't need a constant reminder, or little wake up calls,

It is permanently engraved in your heart

Even if it isn't, you know it's there

Deep down inside, no matter the puns, arguments, or chatter,

You care.

When will you finally open up, sit back, & see?

The person you're really disappointed in,

Is you, not me.

Monday, January 17, 2011

aS OnE dOoR cLoSeS, aNoThEr oPeNS.....

It seems that every time something new begins, something has to end. As I am starting school for a new and fresh start, something very personal is ending. There is no need to make public mention of that certain thing, but it has been a long time coming. I AM COMPLETELY SIKED FOR SCHOOL!!! I find that with my age, comes a great deal of maturity. I now feel more prepared for challenges and I feel like school is far more interesting and attainable. I am eager and ready to jump in head first!!! These last couple of weeks have been trying; prepping for a new chapter in my life and yet unexpectedly closing another one. I knew the end was near for a while now, but I did not want to acknowledge it. I can no longer do that. I am now focusing entirely on me. I have been called selfish before, but this time, I will have a damned good reason to be. 2011 is about the 3 L's: Life, Love, and Listening. "You can't listen with your mouth!" My paternal grandma once told me that when I was a little girl. It took me years to finally appreciate this little nugget. I have spent lots of time listening to negative, ignoring obvious realities, and mixing up messages. I believe simply opening my ears would have also opened my heart and in turn made me far more emotionally calm because the opposite has only made my blood pressure rise! A new year in my mind means a new attitude! I have been trying to gain the courage to start hiking this local mountain near my house. I need to exercise & enrich my spirit at the same time. Supposedly, that is what exercise does (sarcasm). I will just go into this blindly and be incredibly optimistic! Even though there are so many NEW things going on in my life, some things never change. In lieu of the new me, I am keeping a little of my old self. I have been watching the entire series Sex and the City! The show never gets old to me and it comforts me which is really what I need right now. Why is it so easy to hone in on the negative? I am putting all my faith into the positive side of me. The negative enjoys a little too much play time! Right now, I am jamming to one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard, HEATHER HEADLEY!!! The song is called Me Time and timing is perfect. In fact, this song will be the medley for the rest of the year. Big changes ahead, Monnie is finally on the ME train and I am chugging into a truly blessed, beautiful, and bountiful year!

Friday, January 7, 2011

On a Positive Note

Wow, it has been several days and so much has happened! I hope 2011 is the year where I start to really let my hair down! I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me. While my great-grandma passed away, I have found new ways to look at life. I will no longer complain or spend various hours of my time being angry, what for, I have life! That is all the motivation I need. My immediate I family & I managed to make it all the way to Louisiana from Phoenix. It was a doozy of a journey, but it was so fulfilling. Ironically, the funeral was absolutely beautiful. We sent her up with grace, love, and hope, hope that one day we will be fortunate enough to live even a fraction of 102 years. We did much more traveling. Since we had plans to head to South Carolina for Mrs. Regina's New Years/birthday bash, we rented a car and make the grueling 12 hour journey to my home state. The feeling was simply overwhelming. I never realized how beautiful South Carolina was! I was born there decades ago, but I have not been back since 1990. My homecoming was definitely needed. The state is completely picturesque; REAL palm trees, Spanish moss, warm waters, and friendly faces. I felt right at home. The party was fantastic. We danced the night away. I have some pretty incriminating videos that I will re frame from uploading to sever embarrassment, but let's just say WE DID EVERYTHING BUT THE FUNKY WATUSSY! LOL I needed this break, with my Mama Fannie dying, my grandpa still recovering from a quadruple bypass, and my boyfriend struggling with being the backbone in his family. Mentally and physically life was getting exhausting. No time or energy for anything, but I have left that all in 2010. Life is no picnic, but there is a hereafter, that is definitely what keeps me going. On the way home, I had a thought; why is my New Year's resolution always the same? I always strive to be an overall better person. It never ever changes. Well this year, I have decided to capitalize on my fortunes and misfortunes! I am dedicated more than ever to finish my book and start living with the top down. As much as I hate flying, leaving family, being exhausted, and overspending, the trip was a wake up call. My family and I made it a point to always go home and visit family whenever we can. Our elders are aging and we must cherish every moment. Happy New Year! The thought for the year is "Don't try, DO!" Amen!