Love Thy Garden

            "In life, it is better to be a gardener and not a mechanic."-Ashley Balley Smith

This motto is one that every human should adopt because it breeds the type of life that is truly marvelous and fulfilling. A life where a person can continue to flourish and not have to break down to be built up again. A life that is far from what every human knows because hardly even of us follow this method of living. For nearly 23 years, I surely didn't. I completely took my body for granted and forgot that it was indeed my temple and only I am responsible for it. Being a mechanic is a tough job: they get paid terribly, work outrageous hours, and often times feel drained. A gardener has a far more relaxing, tranquil, and intriguing job because they are directly responsible for growth and creating new life in the form of a plant. Even the second description sounds more appetizing.

I have learned to adopt this motto and in doing so I have made some incredible changes. I allowed my curiosities to get the best of me and began to do acupuncture treatments. The main reason I was hesitant  was because of my needle phobia. I prayed about it for months and after going into mechanic mode and stressing over my always ailing throat problems and my very first (horrific) sinus infection,  I decided to seek assistance else where.

My good friend Ashley, who is studying Chinese medicine, administered my first acupuncture session. It went beautifully! I must say, the invasive and incredible shock therapy made me realize I was failing at something very important: taking care of myself. It is not enough to just look good. You have to feel good internally to look good externally. I believe these acupuncture treatments have taught me much more about my body than any Western doctor and prescribed drugs. It taught me about how vital consistency is.

Along with all my new and improved ways of living, I fell first in massages. I actually got my first one a few weeks ago and I was nearly put to sleep! It was the relaxation, comfort, and happiness I needed wrapped up in the hands of a totally unassuming, gentle-voiced, young woman. As I lay there (initially) thinking about all that was wrong in my life and I got to commune with myself. I prayed diligently that God would relinquish the negative in my life and replace it all with positive.

Through massages, acupuncture, hair cuts, and many other small yet significant changes, I have mastered the art of self preservation. I have traded in my cute dresses for treatments of acupunctures. I am eating blood rich veggies, and starting to work out more. I have finally accepted that though I do not have a "green thumb," I do I have a responsibility to myself to water my garden, give it lots of love, sun, and appropriate attention. Thank you Ashley for opening my eyes.

Only the Beginning...

Some people go to church for Easter, others host big dinners with family, me...I go to Six Flags. I know it sounds a bit wacky, but I have been doing this for the last five years. It all started the Easter of 2007 when some classmates from college decided since we do not have family in Los Angeles that we would enjoy a rather unconventional Easter at a theme park. My classmate Nesha had her little brother visiting that weekend, so it seemed like the perfect idea! Up early and ready to go, the trip almost didn't happen. As we were dressing for this incredibly fun day that awaited us, we saw the glistening of morning dew ravaging the ground. Immediately we were discouraged, but God saw fit for that to change. The rain cleared up and we enjoyed endless roller coasters, turkey legs (pre-vegetarian days), and plenty of pictures.

After we indulged in every single thrill ride and funnel cake, we went back to Nesha's apartment to have a "nice traditional meal." The funny thing is, the meal was anything but traditional. Nesha is Jamaican so she cooked some of the best Jamaican food I have ever had (sans my best friend's mother's cooking). We feasted on ox tails, black eyed peas, cabbage, jerk chicken, and tons of cornbread. It was a meal to remember and a memory I will never forget as long as I live. After that year, going to Six Flags on Easter became apart of my own personal traditions.

Every year, despite weather, finances, or personal issues, I always try to make to Six Flags Magic Mountain for a little "r & r"- roller coasters and relaxation. I managed to go in 2007, 2008, and 2009. I skipped 2010 and 2011 because of financial reasons, but I resumed my favorite tradition last year. In 2012, I had a blast with my sister and a few other friends in tow. 2013 was even better because I got to go in my brand new 2013, BMW with my new and soon to be best friend Isabel Falcon.

The trip was nonstop fun from the very beginning. After a long night of hard work at the comedy club, we hit the road immediately and headed for Magic Mountain. We jammed out to old skool songs from Mariah Carey, Usher, Brittany Spears and created some new jams for 2013 thanks to Kendrick Lamar, Miguel, and Beyonce. My bladder was doing a marathon of its own the entire trip because I used the bathroom a record 5 times. That is the most times I have EVER used the restroom on a road trip.

After numerous potty breaks, random snack attacks, laughing, crying, fighting (not with Isabel), and making up (not with Isabel), I can honestly say this was the most defining trip I have had in a while because I got to further develop my bond with someone I love and adore. I can honestly say Isabel is one of the greatest young ladies in the world. She inspires me to always be truthful, do the right thing, and she has incredible style! I love that we took this trip together because of all the adventures and misadventures that occurred and mainly because I know for a fact that she is someone I wish to have in my life forever and ever.

It doesn't matter if the weather is dreary or if I only manager to ride one coaster, I will always try to make it to Six Flags for Easter. I love this tradition because I create a new memory every year and I make new friends. Last year it was Elizabeth and Joey, this year: Isabel. Life is good and getting better. As I mentioned earlier, I fought and made up with someone. God is working on this relationship and God willing next year, I won't be at Six Flags: I will be at my one and only wedding with my future husband. I love Easter 2014 already!

Passing Through....

One thing is certain in life: death and taxes. Both are inescapable and completely stressful to those who endure them. I have always considered myself rather fortunate because in 26 years of life I have only lost 3 people that I considered to be extremely close to my heart: my cousin Detrain, my Uncle Mike, and my great-grandmother Mama Fanny. Other than that I have managed to skate through life in a seamless manner of unparalleled peace and happiness always knowing my family would be around whenever I wanted or needed them. All of a sudden, in my 26th year, the people I have known all my life are slipping away from me. First, my grandfather who I loved dearly dies shockingly fast and then my cousin's mother who I always felt was a lovely person dies from a horrible bout with cancer. Everything in my life seemed to make sense and now it doesn't. Or did it ever? 

I've come to realize that intensity of death now that I have experienced my very first traumatic death. My grandfather was one of the greatest men I have ever known and probably ever will know and he is gone. I think about him more than I ever did before. The weekend of his funeral, I cried myself to sleep every night because I knew I would never see him again. This creepy sense of unease lingered over my unassuming body as I imagined him placing his keys in the door, opening it, and stomping heavily through the house to the kitchen to get himself a beer, take off his size 16 shoes, and relax from a long day at work. 

I know I will never see him again, but his memory haunts me eternally. I can't get the sound of his pickup truck or keys out of my head. I can't stop imagining what it would be like to see him one last time to tell him all the things I never said like how much I admired his generosity or how I felt he was one of the most hard-working men  and unselfish people on earth. I just want to hug him and thank him for always taking care of me and making sure I got all my needs and most of my wants. I want to say how sorry I am that his life was not more fulfilling based on his childhood and all the responsibilities he had as an adult and as a kid. But mostly I want to say, if no one else does, I forgive him. 

I forgive him for all the things he didn't do and should've done. I forgive him for all the things he did wrong and for all the mistakes he made. No one is perfect, but I do firmly believe that everyone deserves all the chances God will grant them and I do not feel my grandfather is any different. 

Everything seems so strange now. Going back to Louisiana just isn't as fun as it used to be. All the summers filled with long days of popsicles, bike riding, hours long church sessions, fried chicken dinners, and falling asleep talking my grandparents to death are slipping away and it scares me. I don't want to forget those memories that I love so dearly and I don't want to be haunted by them every time I go home either. I want them to remain forever. I want the feelings to remain cerebral in my thoughts and emotions, but I fear that it just won't end up that way. I guess that is something I must work on daily. 

And I also must work on being more considerate of my elderly grandmother who is now a widow. Besides my father, her grandchildren are all she has. I love her so much and I would be crushed if anything happened. Even though she is being quite difficult during this painful process of healing, I know she is hurting and trying to be strong. It broke my heart to leave her in Louisiana and when I told I was going to move back there and stay with her she said, "Baby, I'm 75 years old, I've lived my life and I don't want to take away yours. Now, if you want to stay, you are always welcome, but I am not going anywhere. Death is a part of life and we are all just passing through. No one is staying. Once you realize that, you will be ok with death."

Her wisdom never cease to amaze me. We as humans truly are passing through and everyone must die. Though I don't like it, I must accept death somehow, someway. In order not to die in vain, I must focus on all the projects I am working on. I must continue to build my legacy and I must do everything I set out to do no matter how expensive, stressful, and difficult it may be. I know my Paw Paw would've wanted me to live a full life for me and for him. I surely will Pop, I surely will! 

The Year of the Milestone

If someone would have told me by the time I was 26 years old I would be a vegetarian teetering on being a full fledged vegan I would have said, "YOU'RE CRAZY!" Life has a funny way of working itself out because I am in fact that vegetarian who just recently celebrated one whole year of not eating any animal flesh! I can honestly say this is a proud moment for me because I had so many doubts and fears about taking the plunge. I am from the South: meat is in my DNA. I thank God daily for the affirmations and the faith I desperately needed to focus on my diet more intently and be more determined than I ever have been before. I love that about God, always on time and never late. Right before the new year hit, I dubbed 2013 "The Year of the Milestone." Not simply because we collectively as a society managed to avoid the end of civilization, but because I finally finished school. I felt like that was the start of all my major milestones in my life, but now there are so many more. So far, I attended my first ever inauguration of my favorite president, got my first writing job as a freelance writer, bought my first car ALL BY MYSELF, and I have so much more to look forward. I plan on moving to Washington D.C. this year and getting further into my craft, I am going to start my own business, I am going to Jamaica for the first time to see my best friend get hitched, and I plan on doing a whole lot of traveling. I thought 2012 was pretty epic, who knows, the year of the milestone, 2013, may be my best year yet! 

The WIll to Live

One would hope the day would never come that they would see a loved one slip away from them before their very own eyes. This very phrase is my exact reality at the moment. Though my paternal grandfather has been far from the perfect man, I love him dearly and I cannot imagine my life without him. Brought up in the rural south with limited opportunities and many strikes against him (black, poor, uneducated), my Paw Paw managed to forge a fairly nice life for himself. He started working at the most profitable job in the small town of Jonesboro, Louisiana: Smurfit Stone Papermill. He worked there for 51 years and never missed a single, day of work. He dedicated his life to working hard and making plenty of money. He also owned a pulpwood hauling business and car repair shop. He was always business minded and focused on taking care financially. Financially comfortable, my grandfather failed to oversee his family life with the same great care. It did not seem as traumatizing when his children were younger, but now that they are older they have managed to understand and deal with it. I imagine my grandfather has millions of thoughts running through his head right now. The only thought I wish he had constantly was the will to live. After a years of heavy drinking, smoking, and poor eating, his health has finally caught up to him. He had a quadruple bypass in 2010 and still did not manage to work on improving his health....and now its too late. He has irreversible heart problems, poor blood circulation, and diabetes. These very problems resulted in the life saving amputation of his right leg. All my family and I want is for his health to improve and for him to return home and all he wants is to give up. If it were not for the mercy and love of God, I am sure he would. All and all, my grandfather's state of life is a constant reminder how NOT to treat your body. No excessive drinking, smoking, bad eating, or overworking myself. I MUST always treat my body as the most precious temple before it is too late. I love him dearly and want him around to see my children grow up, but if that were not to happen, I will always remember his hugs and kisses, his weekly allowance of $33.33, his buying me ICEE's and chips, and riding through the countryside with all the windows open. Paw Paw, please live because if you don't, surely a part of me will die forever. I love you. 

Man's Woman vs. Woman's Woman

There are two women in this world; the man's woman and the woman's woman. A man's woman is a woman who is "team man." She is most likely in a relationship, "in love," and will do anything for a man. Typically, these women rarely have successful relationships with other women. They often are social inept and cannot manage to have positive and healthy connections with their own sex. The woman's woman is a woman's confidante. She is willing to go to any length to see women accomplish something in life. She is also respectful of the challenges and setbacks women have faced and always makes it a point to support women above all else. The main redeeming and truly amazing quality about the woman's woman is the mere fact that she has balance. She can be a true friend to another woman and love a man at the same time. She does not choose the admiration of a man over her own gender and manages to always be loyal. I have recently come into contact with a mutant strain of the man's woman in the last few months and I can honestly say I am repulsed by their behavior. It is not so much that they love a man beyond understanding, but rather they cannot find the delicate balance of  relationship/female loyalty. This particular quality about them truly bothers me because I feel like no woman should ever side with penis over their own vagina! Maybe it is the feminist in me or the fact that I have not been so fortunate in love, but I do know one thing for certain; no matter how many romantic engagements I entertain or girls I meet, I will always be a woman's woman! I could not live any other way! 

Starting Over

                                                                     The New Year's Recap

Every year since I started this blog nearly 3 years ago, I do a yearly recap on the highs and lows of my year to mark my growth. Well, here goes! 

Highs of 2012 

• Graduated Cum Laude from Arizona State University with a second degree in English Literature  
• Successfully went vegetarian and will be celebrating a years worth of vegetarianism in February
• Taught an entire class by myself 
• Became a sex educator 
• Built many strong and significant relationships with new friends, colleagues, and mentors 
• Bought my first luxury car, a 2013 BMW 128I Coupe 
• Did two successful herbal cleanses back to back
• Wrote my first television show
• Started working a fantastic job at a comedy club that is super fun
• Became a published author
• Dyed my hair for the first time
• Started rolling skating again as a new hobby 
• Started my own online radio blog show 
• Had a traditional college graduation and ceremony 
• Learned how to better deal with my feelings and emotions 

Lows of 2012 

• Ended my relationship with someone I considered the love of my life 
• My weight went up and down
• Wasting too much energy on negative people 
• Not trusting my gut instincts
• Allowing regret to eat away at me
• Not forgiving myself for the past mistakes I have made 
• Did not completely eliminate certain people from my life 

2012 will go down as one of the best years of my life for the obvious reasons and for many more unstated. I have gained a wealth of knowledge from my education, realized my potential and self-worth on new levels, changed my outlook on life, and everyday I will continue to work on being a better me. With a new car, new degree, new outlook, and soon a new city and career 2013 will be even better!