Friday, November 11, 2016

30 for 30

I guess 2016 was the sequel to 2015 because it has been quite the valley. Steeped in despair, frustration, growing pains, and serious mental anguish, I have survived so far. As I sit here, preparing to leave this crazy country for one that feels like a strange homecoming, I am reminded of 30 things that made me cringe, cry, create, and congratulate myself this year. I have affirmed from these moments that....
  1. I do not have an autoimmune disease when I was almost diagnosed with Lupus (thank God!)
  2. I do not have diabetes, but I am still not out of the woods.
  3. I no longer languish the lost love of my ex. I believe I officially left him mentally in 2014. 
  4. I no longer work in "corporate" America and I am not sad about it at all. It was trying to kill me. I fired my job and decided to take a leap of faith. Just know this, I will be traveling much more in 2017.
  5. I am no longer moving to Washington D.C. in spring. I am going to take my time and develop myself into the woman I wish to be in order to truly prosper there.
  6. I am done with shifty and so called "friends." I deserve real, meaningful bonds.
  7. I have taken up the art of organization. This will be my next business.
  8. I will pursue my masters before it drives me nuts entirely!
  9. I have grown weary of old habits. I am moving on from those. 
  10. I have not found love. I am praying about that so it finally finds me.
  11. I voted for the first time in 2008, I am so thankful it was for my only president, Barack Obama. It is a shining moment for my 30 years. 
  12. I will no longer cry over spilled milk. I will try and be careful not to spill more.
  13. I have mastered the art of "everything happens for a reason" because it truly does. 
  14. I will walk and trust God. So far, I am failing at that. 
  15. I struggled with self love. I will do better from 30 on. 
  16. Carmen is going to be paid off and then it is time for a business of my own. 
  17. I will never feel destitute again. I have so much and I am blessed. 
  18. I will count every single blessing and failure as a wonderful learning experience. 
  19. I will make time to love others and myself appropriately. 
  20. I will stop looking backwards (I no longer live there). 
  21. I will be unapologetic and share everything that I feel. 
  22. I do not have everything I want, but I will pray until I am closer to my final destination.
  23. I am going to travel and see every inch of the world; it will only make me stronger. 
  24. Someone told me I am ungrateful; I needed that. I will work on this immediately. 
  25. I have health concerns that are growing. I have to treat my life as it I only get one (clearly, I think I am a cat) 
  26. I will seek joy, not happiness because joy is everlasting. 
  27. I will buy the things I want; I have regretted too much even the little things.
  28. I am putting my creative juices together and working on a master plan. No more desperate behavior. 
  29. I will own all mistakes and create an action plan to do better. 
  30. I will love myself, not like. 
These last two years have been more than trying. It was like an instant replay of 2008 and 2009. Or worse, 1997 and 1998. I have been reminded many times on my descent to 30, that it is truly a roller coaster. As I take this pilgrimage to Africa, I bring with me my mistakes, disappointments, sorrow, disgust, love, anguish, pleasure, success, failure, and an open heart.

I believe this election was the last straw to make me see more than ever that now is the time to attack my goals. The premise of being unqualified will no longer hold me back. I will either learn the necessary tools or "fake it til I make it," but one thing is certain; I will get exactly where I want to be because now more than ever, I need it. Here's to 30, 2017, and a fresh start (despite being Trumped), I am forging ahead. Goodbye 29!

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