Spinning

Ok so, it's 2:08a.m., the t.v. is on mute, and I am still entranced by the lovely Janelle Monae. A creative genius has plenty of thoughts, but the organization is keen. It is also something I do not currently have.I am praying for the inspiration and direction I need to guide me to that formula for success. My father told me if I could not think off the top of my head that I should write down my thoughts so, here goes. Next week will mark an entire year and a month since my life changed drastically. I moved from Hollywood to a much more calm Phoenix. Though the city is nothing new, the feeling most definitely is foreign. For the first time in my life, I feel extremely conflicted. I had it all figured out. I moved to Los Angeles at 18 and I was going to become a graduate of The American Academy of Dramatic Arts and a well respected actress by 20. It was a plan still very immature in its infancy. Many things went well and plenty of things went wrong. All and all, the information and the lessons that I learned were invaluable. I can never make those same mistakes again. I can truly say I AM better. As for the scars, they are still healing. I opened a wound the other day when I saw pictures of my stolen car. I cried for hours on Friday, so much to the point of exhaustion which prompted a restless nap. I know things happen for a reason but, I have yet to really comprehend the turn of events that prompted my leaving LA. I accept fault for what role I played and even for the things I cannot change. And I pray faithfully everyday for direction and for my own salvation. Today, I pledge to never feel bad or beat myself up for those events anymore. Today is the resurrection!