In route to the new book, there has been a lingering thought on my mind. Why is long distance so exhausting? I mean you love a person and keep in constant communication so, why do you feel unsatisfied? The distance! It's unbearable! I have been in my current relationship for a year on August 9th. I feel like he is the one, but with the career I want, will I have to get used to this? I mean a new actress/writer is trying to get in where she fits in so naturally, your choices for more time, sleep, and leisure to be with the ones you love are limited. If I can't hack it as we speak, do we even have a leg to stand on? I am so glad I have this forum to speak because sometimes, I feel so much anxiety regarding expressing my emotions. I am currently listening to Brandy's Human album and feeling a cosmic connection. I hate this so much. I am patient, but I am wilting. I need a prayer something serious. I do not want to give in to the many distractions because I know none of it would be worth it in the long run. This is what I want, but honestly speaking, how long can this be? I guess when I left New York in February, I did not think I would miss him this much. Just about everyday I wake up around 3:03 a.m., usually from a dream that I have about him. It generally involves, this white cloudy sequence with he and I dancing to Marvin's Gayes, "Come and live with me Angel" off his I Want You album. I never make it through the entire dream, just the beginning. It's fuzzy like our current romantic connection. I am praying that someone out there has been in the same boat. I need some inspiration and courage. As for now, the book will continue to be my nearby baby until my long distance baby can be a permanent fixture in my life. Dozing again, this time, a lil uplifted, jamming out to the soulful sounds of Mrs. Amel Larrieux. That woman could describe something as boring as water and make it sound like Van Gogh's Starry Night. Anyways, I'm just blabbing on, in actuality, I know I will be fine. I just have the Long Distance Missing Your Man Blues.....sigh......now back to restlessness.
What ever it is you are driving to achieve or waiting for; whether it comes in a minute in a day or in a year, one moment form now wont be soon enough. Even if you knew how long you'd have to wait a lil or a lot later is never satisfactory. The answer is to not even expect anything to come. it sounds ludicrous but when you resolve that you are going to lay it all out there, make-it-or-break-it, succeed or die trying then time wont matter. You have to truely let go of the anticipation and put all of your thoughts and energy in to preparation and initiative. when you do this, come what may, if you are to succeed or achieve it will most certainly of come sooner or later, if at all. And like a sprinter who keeps their head down and drives through the finish line, when the finish passes before you and you can finally throw on the break because you blasted through the end not even realzing how close you were, the sense of gratitude and euphoria will be ten fold. As opposed to if you are trying prematurely to see the end and anticipate how much effort you need to get there. All experiance in life is an adventure and we were nto meant to arrive at the grave with energy saved up and in one piece. I mean when the ride is over its over. So be it love, work, or whatever, dont worry about the end game, because true happiness is in the pursuit of our desires, achievement and acquisition is only relief to finally be done. Why else do you think older people revel in telling and reminiscing about Adventures of their youth; the crazy shit they did, and the the things they wanted to do but failed or could have tried but didnt? No one sits around and talks about the posh life after the accomplishment. The story and the euphoric joy comes from the journey. Finish the race full tilt skidding in side ways lady and I promise whatever the outcome you'll be proud of what you did and think "what a ride!".
ReplyDeleteWow, Willie thank you so much for your kind words. They have uplifted me in the best way. I so needed that. Pearls wisdom come from all walks of life. No matter the age and/or gender. It is wisdom none the less. Thank again, you are a true friend.
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