"10 Times Better"

My very wise and honest friend Tracy once told me that, "one must always speak their truth." Truer words have never been spoken. I have come to realize that I am the kind of person who spare others feelings forsaking my own to the point where I feel smaller than a worm's belly. Sure, for a while things are successful, but over time bitterness and anger replace the once warm and fuzzy feelings. This is never a good thing and I know this first hand from all the crazy situations I have had over the years with friends, family, and lovers. I know more than ever at nearly 30 there is no better time than the present to speak your piece. I realize now how much I have changed. The woman I used to be was a woman who allowed herself to constantly question who she was in terms of how she dealt with others. Thankfully after much prayer and evaluation I realize I could never be that woman anymore. I realize more than ever that my life is going in a different direction and I must decide who will be going with me and what I will be doing while I am on this new path. As graduation looms, I question everything; how much money do I need to start my future businesses? where do I want to go afterwards? will I return to Los Angeles? All these thoughts continually clouding my mind and once again showing my growth. I have to believe everything I have gone through in this life is for the greater good of my future. No matter how many failed relationships or bad experiences or major mistakes I have made; I know I will come out 10 times better because my faith is unshakable. Eight years ago I was totally green, 18 year old novice at city life. I spent those eight informative years of my life going through growing pains. I dated many losers, discovered many talents, uncovered many hidden truths, opened up a new side of me, and met so many different people along the way. I have heard time and time again how adolescence is the most crucial portion of a person's growth; I digress. I believe those 8 years of my life taught me much more about the woman I am and the woman I am striving to be than any of my adolescent years. Through my failures I discovered the essence of me. I discovered that I am worthy of a man who loves, supports, and believes in me despite "busy" schedules, I am priceless, I am talented, I am special, and I worthy of only greatness. I desire to surround myself around people who want nothing, but the best for me. I deserve relationships that enrich my spirit. At 25 years old, I finally hit my growth spurt. I have many years of growing to go, so I must keep moving forward. From this point on, whatever has happened to me (good & bad) will no longer disrupt my future. From this day forth, I am truly letting it go. Cars, failed friendships, unsuccessful romantic relationships, and trying so hard to please others (while forgetting about myself) is over. I will no longer be that woman because I simply cannot be. I have so much to look forward to and I plan to keep looking forward since the past is not where I plan to be in 20 years, the future is. God, more than ever I need your guidance and support. You have yet to let me down (even when I thought you failed me) and I know you have something even better in store for me. So from now on, I look to you and never doubt your decisions for me...