The Single Lady Blues

I recently read a friend of mine's blog and I was blown away by the epiphany we both had. She stated that she was young, no kids, no husband, good job, money, and much freedom to do and be whatever she pleases. However, she is slightly depressed and unhappy. I can relate to this because I often feel this way. Why do I shun what I do have for something I don't have? What if I am not meant to marry, be a wife, have kids, or live happily ever after? Would it be so bad to be a permanent single lady? I often ponder this question. I guess I have lived a life that has truly romanticized the mere idea of marriage and all that comes with it. In my mind, I have made those things of the utmost important to me. I completely forgot to factor in what I would do if my life took a different path than predicted. But now that I am thinking about it, let's ponder what are the benefits of a single lady:

• You answer to no one. No partner determines what you will or won't do. 
• You make your own rules. If you want to wear that little, see-through top, wear it! Who can object? 
• You have freedom. Freedom of your own mind, life, and decisions. 
• You can be yourself. No need to sugarcoat or dress up crazy, SSB (single sexy behavior) to make someone else happy. 
• You can go out with, date, or befriend anyone you see fit. 
• YOU GET TO BE YOU! 

With anything in life, there are drawbacks. Here are some of the drawbacks of single ladydom:

• There is no special person to wish you happy birthday
• Other than certain friends or family, no one to rely on 
• You end up spending a great deal of your time with losers
• You often feel lonely
• You have no steady relationships; just a many failed attempts

What are the benefits of a relationship:

• You HAVE someone you can count on 
• You HAVE someone to remember and make certain events in your life like your birthday or Valentine's Day extra special
• You ARE NOT alone 
• You have SOMEONE you can trust
• You have ONE sexual partner that you can trust 
• You CAN be yourself and be appreciated at the same time (in most healthy relationships) 
• You HAVE someone you look forward to seeing and being with 
• You HAVE someone who has your back

I could go on about the benefits of a relationship, but as the lists clearly shows you; there are many! Ever since I was a child, I always wondered when I would meet the man I would marry and how I would feel. Life has greatly altered my view of relationships and love. I wish I could go back to those rose colored glasses I wore where love was deep and meaningful and truly the thing that conquered all. I am trying to get back to that loving place and in turn, it is making me depressed because I can't be innocent again. I can't not know what I currently know. I cannot go back to being this virginal naivete because I am not her anymore. I have been severely hurt in my life by men and relationships, so I adapted this lifestyle that blended single life with dating life. I would never get too close and keep my options open. Well, that seemed to be a successful lifestyle choice until I met a man who challenged it. He told me, "I want a woman you who is willing to wait for me until things are right for us, not a woman who gives up and goes out." I was defensive and angry and lashed out at him. In doing this, I realized who I was truly mad at; myself. I allowed myself to let the past men come into my life and muck it all up with their issues, cheating ways, and lies. Now, I am taking it out on the future men. That is not fair. After many apologies and realizations, I figured out why I am not happy being single; I DO want to be in a healthy and loving relationship. Single life is fun for a while, but permanently would drive me nuts. I cannot go on another bad date, meet another crazy man, or buy another "freakum dress."

I want someone who grounds me, who makes me not want to buy every freakum dress I see and wear a friggin moo moo instead! I want a REAL man who is so passionate about me that he is left weak by the sound of my voice. Sure, it may be a bit dramatic to wish for those qualities in a partner, but what is the harm in wishing? People don't wish anymore and they are definitely very negative when it comes to love. I was like that, but I am no longer. I admit, I have many issues, but as long as I am honest, I am ok because I am working on my issues and keeping them in perspective. I want to be the kind of woman a man wants to marry and not the single chick partying at 35. In retrospect, I don't love single ladydom and I believe that is a big reason why I am sort of glum. I told my good friend Samantha that 2012 would be the year we met our husbands. It is June, the year is halfway over, but I have not given up hope. Last night was a full moon and all the stars were out. I wished upon all of them that my life would come full circle this year. I graduate this year, I start my new adult life, and hopefully I start to lose some of that sadness with the welcome of my future husband. Not that a man is all I need, but I want one, a truly good one to retire my single lady jersey for good! 

The Ties that Bind

The phrase "Family is everything" has been heavily repeated for most of my life. I have constantly been told, "don't give up on family" or "family is everything to a person." Well, I never knew how significant this phrase was until I helped host our family reunion. It was an "experience" to say the least, but one of the most rewarding feelings in the world. Family came from everywhere to celebrate our bi-annual tradition...SOUTHWESTERN STYLE! Of course planning a reunion is not exempt from the regular drama of financial debacles, last minute changes, and general chaos, but it was all worth. I feel the people who came were the ones meant to be there. I hated to see that many relatives were not in attendance, but I know if they could've they would've came to AZ and lived it up with us for a weekend. Yet and still, the resort was amazing, the amenities were sensational, and the weather was PERFECT! I could not have asked for more. One thing I find particularly awesome is how every single time I go to church I feel like the message is tailor made for me. The message at church on Sunday was about "being the change that turns your family around." As I listened to this message with all my loved ones, I began to cry. I felt like the importance of "family is everything" came full circle. If I do not like something within my family, I have to change it with positivity. It dawned on me that I could not function without my family because they made me who I am. Everything I am and everything I am going to be is based on my raisement, my loved ones, and my experiences. I have learned to be kind and respectful from my grandparents, I have learned to share and be ambiteous from my parents, and I learned who I am as a person from all of these things combined. I honestly do not know who I would be if it weren't for my family. I love them with all my heart and soul. I am grateful for this weekend because it reaffirmed my love for my family all sides both near and far. I love you all and I pray we remain close and if we are not close, I pray we get closer!

Sister, Sister

There is no one on this green earth who knows me better than my sister Nikki. She knew me before I knew myself. We have been close all our lives and even when we disagree, we still love each other through it all. I have been going through a series of crazy emotions regarding my personal life. The questions I pose to God and mostly myself are complicated. I finally found it in myself to tell my sister how I was feeling and low and behold, she stunned me once again with her ability to connect and relate to how I felt. We spent an incredible Saturday evening enjoying the pleasures of hard work; retail therapy. It was wonderful! Asides from shopping, we talked, laughed, and bonded as we always do. There is never a dull moment with my sister because she is just fabulous. I know she knows me well, but I do not think she realizes how well I know her. I have noticed so many incredible things about her as she journeys through her life. Over the past couple of years she has become more spontaneous, adventurous, and outgoing. She touched a dog (she is terrified of them), went bungee jumping (well, sort of), and she is now planning to go sky diving. Growing up, I would have never in a million years guessed my sister would even step foot on a plane for sky diving let alone consider doing it. I love that through her growth as a person, she is opening up like a flower that is coming into full bloom. Each petal is filled with courageousness, excitement, and positivity. My sister has never liked Horror films and she even watched Paranormal Activity!!! She is really growing up, lol. The thing I love most about her is her brutal honesty and unconditional love. She seldom judges me and always makes time to talk to me when I am feeling my absolute lowest. I could never express in enough words exactly how much my sister means to me. It would take years, centuries, ions to correctly show how just how important she is in my life. I love you Demechiona Nicole. We have been through so many valleys and peaks and God has seen us through them all. I look forward to the days where our kids grow up together and are just as close as we were and still are. I love you very much and thank you for leading by example and showing me what a truly good sister is supposed to be. And although I will miss the scary little girl who was terrified of dogs, Freddy Krueger flicks, and vegetables, I adore the incredibly brave and fantastic young woman taking her place. 

Wishful Thinking

There is nothing quite like waiting impatiently for a movie to come and being blown away by how awesome it truly is when it does! Steve Harvey's Think Like a Man is that movie! Many people have questioned the depth and ability that a predominantly black film can have. I believe that is what I love most about this film. This movie is not a "black film", it is a movie with some black actors and when you can separate race or gender from a source of entertainment, you genuinely get to enjoy the art. The movie is based on the best selling book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. In the movie, four gorgeous and successful, young Los Angelenos sift through the entangled mess that relationships can be sometime. One is contemplating making a life altering change in her relationship while the others are praying for Mr. Right. The movie is poignant and brutally honest in how women perceive dating and how men play on those perceptions. The key to staying sane in the crazy world of "lalaland dating" is not to get sucked up into books, movies, or metaphors. Following your heart is the most logical answer to being happy. The women see this towards the end of the film. And while their journey is cleverly accented by side-splitting puns a la Kevin Hart, witty repartee between their male counterparts, and ridiculous moments of personal female clarity, these women never loose track of what they want. I love this fact in particular. One thing I found painfully obvious is the idea that in order to be successful in a relationship one must play a game. It can be a game of cat and mouse, the aggressor, or the pursued but a game is involved nonetheless. As much as I chuckled throughout the film, I could not help, but realize that fact. Well, that might be the single most reason why I will remain single. I refuse to play, participant, or initiate anymore games than I already have. I am convinced out there somewhere in the distant galaxy, there is a man who wants to just be with me; no games, no hide and seek, no winner, just us. That is what I want. And while Steve Harvey does have a best seller on his hands and number one movie in America, the reality is that his accomplishment is a book, not reality for all of us women. I can try to think like a man for as long as humanly possible, but in the end, if things fail, I will hurt like a woman and that is much worse to me. So, until there is a foolproof way of navigating the dating world, I will continue to think like a woman...with an air of caution to "manly behavior." THANKS STEVE!

Spring Follies

So I am currently obsessing over so many things. Here is a little list of stuff that is currently driving me crazy...in a good way:

• The show House of Consignment on VH1- In the past I have not been such a huge fan of VH1 because of their coonery induced shows, but this show has revived my faith. I enjoy watching a young, savvy business like Corrie and I ADORE THE FASHIONS (MARLO VOICE)
• My new Manolo Blahnik's -I am a convicted shoe whore and I own it! I have over 200 pairs in my closet and I love them all dearly. My favorite pair currently are these absolutely stunning green, ostrich feathered, black Manolos I found at Nordstrom's for NEXT TO NOTHING! I love these shoes so much, I slept in them last Sunday afternoon right after church.
• Gold Medal Ribbon ice cream from Baskin Robbins- I love to eat and I love to eat GOOD, so it comes as no surprise that I have fallen in love with this creamy, caramely, chocolate heaven on earth in a bowl. P.S. I might have a problem as I have been in Baskin Robbins 3 times this week.
• Vegetarianism- I love how something as MAJOR as what we eat effects everything from our energy, positivity, and health. I have not eaten meat for 2 months and I have found a profound sense of peace in eating veggies, fruits, and carbs (I really need to ease up on the bread).
• Groupon- I never thought I would be a follower of the Groupon movement, but now I am a faithful member. I signed on at the suggestion of a friend who wanted to plan a birthday trip and I must say, I AM PLEASED AS PUNCH! Groupon is fabulous and now the reason I am taking a fabulous, 4 day tour of Sonoma's wine country for $255! STEAL!
• Online shopping- I have never been a fan of online shopping because I know I NEED TO TRY ON MY CLOTHES, however, I am never opposed to a good deal! Just last week I bought a pair of Gucci flip-flops for $90.00, SCORE!
• Internships- Coming down the home stretch in my academic life, I entering my last semester of Summer school and my last Fall semester at ASU. I have found so many internships and I am excited about each of them. I cannot wait to write professionally; I will finally fulfill my true position in the world as the black Carrie Bradshaw (minus the biggage).
• Travel- I am going to California for my best friend's birthday and I am going to plan about a dozen more trips this year! I figured anything can happen in the next couple of months; I want to cherish every moment of my life. I desire to travel write, so I know traveling is imperative to my career. I will be cruising my Groupon options while dining on Gold Medal Ribbon Ice Cream in my green ostrich feathered, Manolo tonight!

I hope I get some new obsessions soon because my current ones are expensive!

A, Hop, Skip, and a Jump!

I have been quite restless lately. I have been thinking about so much; life after graduation, new jobs, traveling, money, and love. A relative has passed, natural disasters, breakups, ugh MY MIND IS TOO CLOUDY! I am relieved to bring back an old tradition I have not be able to do in a few years; SIX FLAGS ON EASTER! I know, I know, some people would say it is absurd, crazy, even disrespectful, but I do not care! Two of my old friends in Los Angeles started this tradition one Easter when we wanted to do something fun and unique. It has been a mainstay for me ever since. I want the resurrection (Easter) to be about life and not the mourning of death. Had said death not occurred, I would not be here able to write this blog entry. Thank you Jehovah for giving us YOU. Best gift anyone could ever receive, the gift of someone else's life. I will take this weekend to reflect on so many things; my future, my past, and most importantly MY PRESENT! I am the one in charge, so I have to be proactive in making sure my future, present, and past is exactly the way I want it to be. This weekend is going to be just what I needed; a break. I am thoroughly looking forward to it.

I Will Always Love You

A funeral should never be the reason you remember or celebrate someone close to you. The passing of two vital people made me realize this; Whitney Houston and my aunt Brenda. Whitney Houston, a victim of fame died from unknown, often speculated circumstances. My aunt Brenda passed from complications of pneumonia and heart failure. I loved both of these women dearly and I would give anything to have them here instead of heaven, but I know it is not about me. God has already determined our fate from birth, I am a firm believer of this. With that being said, it is important to live a rich and plentiful life while you are alive, so that you will be deserving of your fate. Whitney's talent will live on in our hearts, minds, and souls. Her tunes, much like Michael Jackson's are iconic and legendary. We will never have another Whitney Elizabeth Houston, so we should cherish the moments that mean the most; the movies, songs, and performances. As for my aunt, she too will be remembered dearly by those who loved her. Some of the memories I am most fond of are; driving through Jonesboro with all the windows down jamming to the blues, stopping by the only McDonalds in town to grab a cheeseburger Happy Meal, and last, but certainly not least all this, dark, marooned colored kisses she gave me right on my cheeks! She gave two for each cheek! Those memories are etched across my heart. She may not have belted out "I Will Always Love You" or "Run To You", but her memory left a lasting impact on my world just the same. Both women left this crazy world too soon. Though I hate their deaths, I love that God blessed me to know these women so intimately. I love you both ladies and remember this, " ANNNNDDD IIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS, LOOOOVEEEE YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUU!"